That One Time I Did A Study Blog Called: Daily Updates from a Daily Man in the Middle of a Downward Spiral But Realized the Power of Friendship with these Ten Easy Steps and Here's How You Can Too. Real Men Don't Read Instructions!

Entry the twentieth - August 7th, 2025

It’s a Thursday once again! Can you believe it?

Today I did two --wait, just two reviews? …seriously? Ahem, yes, two reviews were accomplished today, and I didn’t even know it! That really shows that the power of Japanese fluency is already coursing through my veins.

@Asher mentioned the gachapon elements in Shenmue a few days prior and it led me to thinking about that deeper than a normal person thought possible.

It reminded me of the last time I went to Japan. I was obsessed with these little proto-loot boxes.

But, as predicted, not the way you probably thought.

I want you to look at this:

That’s right, if you so desired, you can have entrance gate turnstile toys for 300 yen each! Or, if you look to your left, you can have one of four different barcode scanners for 400 yen each.

Now, I thought about this for a while --why on God’s green Earth would anyone want to buy this?

Then…I realized something…I would be the one who would buy this! Why would I buy it? Because I am a simple man who would laugh really hard telling people a wonderful tale over the existence of entrance gate turnstile toys and how I would be the proud owner of one.

But that’s just me. Certainly there is a trend, an audience beyond just me wanting to buy things for the lulz.

Here’s another one:

Thats right, your eyes shan’t deceive you. This is a Denny’s capsule machine! I don’t even like Denny’s, I can’t imagine anyone with their head screwed on straight would pay 400 yen for a Denny’s capsule toy.

But that’s the magic behind it. That’s a story I want to know. Someone out there is probably a huge Denny’s otaku or an entrance gate turnstile otaku. I would love to know why they feel such a way to drop approximately $3 USD on a toy that is more or less a meme to my monkey brain.

Each time I see one of these curious machines in Japan, I will pay closer attention and observe each one. See how many toys are left, see if I can find anything on X, formerly Twitter, if there’s any mention of its existence.

Consumerism, in excess, can be vapid, meaningless and even harmful. But even God’s lowliest of creatures, the gachapon, we can still learn about ourselves.

Why did I spend my entire allowance in Shenmue for figures that do…well, nothing in the game?

Maybe I just wanted to live out a fantasy where Sonic the Hedgehog existed in Japan five years before he came out. Maybe I just think they’re neat!

Spend all your money frivolously, everyone!

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Entry the twenty-first - August 8th, 2025

It’s a Friday once again! Can you believe it?

In addition to three grammar reviews, I started fooling around with Bunpro’s vocabulary decks. Maybe something interesting will come of it. But as of now, grammar is the main villain in this story arc! Maybe there will be a tournament arc between the various points of Japanese learning? Maybe one day I will collect all five of the JLPT balls.

I think I will need a JLPT ball radar because I have quite a journey before I reach the first one.

Speaking of anime tropes, I bought the game Enchanted Arms a few years ago and recently finished it. It was quite a game! You have wonderful creatures such as this:

And fun fact! This game has an early model of the The Vanguard Demon from Demon’s Souls as a character you can summon/fight with. Boy, those Japanese sure love reusing assets!

But I didn’t want to talk about Enchanted Arms, you see --I wanted to chat about what came in the box of my game. I purchased this game used from eBay. Now, as a curious creature, I love to open the box and see the contents --usually it’s just manuals and on rare occasions the receipt/cheat codes left behind by the previous owner.

This time, I received something extra curious in my box of Enchanted Arms.

This is…interesting and NOT in Japanese, so sadly I cannot attempt to read this. But it looks like it’s in French and the card is in German. All of this stuffed into my North American box of Enchanted Arms! What a well traveled game box, eh?

Now, I put this through ChatGPT 5 (Wow a new model!) and this is what it gave me:

“Dear Sébastien,
I always think a lot, a lot about you! And when I saw this card, it was exactly what I wanted to wish you!
Confidence in yourself! You are surrounded by the affectionate thoughts of the whole family who love you very much!! Yes indeed!!
Big kisses from Grandma, and may God keep you!”

This deeply saddens me! Was this game a gift to Sébastien from gram gram? Did Sébastien not like the game and sell it on eBay? Is this even the first owner of this game?

It is a mystery! I feel it is my duty to give Sébastien back his card…not the game tho, it’s mine, so I struggled to find out anything that I can use to identify this man. The other side of the card had no personal identifying material, so I turned to eBay to help me out.

I looked at the seller name for Enchanted Arms that I purchased years ago and searched online to find anything that I could that could link to Sébastien to give him grammy’s card.

Enchanted Arms, you see, released on August 29, 2006 in the US. This might’ve been a present to Sébastien nearly twenty years ago. I fear that if that is the case, grams may have crossed the rainbow bridge.

I searched high and low for Sébastien’s information based on what little I had to go on, and sadly nothing.

Sébastien, by any chance you are learning Japanese and you are reading a thread that is 40+ posts deep, I have your grandmother’s card and it’s in safe hands. I’ve cherished it deeply like you would have while it awaits its return to its proper owner.

I will send this to you at no cost to ensure that you have this back in your possession.

Also, uh, thanks for Enchanted Arms. It’s kinda a dumb game with shounen anime tropes. There’s a character in the game who is wildly a product of its time, so much so that my next image of it will be in a spoiler tag to shield the eyes of the most sensitive of readers:

Hilarious and potentially outdated character trope below!


If you can read this, you probably got it, right? I won’t translate it, but if you know, you know!

All in all, I would give Enchanted Arms an 11 out of 17 hats. It has decent gameplay saved only by a random French-speaking grandmother.

Be brave, everyone!

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Half-way through, I was expecting some dragon candy to appear :see_no_evil: I think I watched my husband play Skyrim too many times to count.

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Entry the twenty-second - August 9th, 2025

It’s a Saturday once again! Can you believe it?

Today was a monumental day for my Japanese reviews and overall Japanese progress. Five reviews. They underestimated my power level… and paid the price. One grammar point. The prophecy spoke of this, the day I would defeat a grammar point just by the power of friendship.

But also, I decided to work on a new Vocab deck for Bunpro! I took a look at the N5 vocab list and was largely disappointed by how at odds it is for users who know zero Japanese and are learning the grammar and vocab for the first time.

Essentially, this deck introduces vocab as you see it in the grammar lessons and the example sentences.

Nooooow, I know Bunpro can be sneaky and change the example sentences on a whim, so think of this as a proof of concept. I want to finish at least all vocab seen in N5 grammar points, and I am about halfway there.

It would be interesting to see how much N5 vocab is in this deck when you finish the N5 grammar, as if there is at least 90% overlap, it may be worth looking into for the Bunpro team.

Here’s a link to those that are interested (note, I may make decks that are grouped by JLPT level in the future): Decks out for vocab learning

Now for something tangentially related!

I learned about something utterly fascinating today called Shouryuuma (精霊馬).

“What on Earth is that?! This wasn’t in any of my manga training!” Now, settle down theoretical person. This is a Buddhist thing where families honor the spirits of their ancestors…but most importantly, there’s this weird thing that I noticed that I thought was cool:

IMG_4793

Wow! What is that? Those, my friends, are Japanese horses and oxen. Am I being sliiiiightly misleading? Possibly, but these little creatures are offered to the spirits of gram gram… I am not exactly sure why, but I prefer to let my imagination fill in the gaps. Let’s go on a journey.

Behold! A pale…green horse?

Imagine the spirit realm! A world beyond our comprehension. On occasion, there is a bridge between their world and ours.

You, yes you, are a young child in modern Japan. One day, you are visited by the spirit of your ancestor from 1000 years ago. Your ancestor teaches you about life, harmony and wisdom. You pay close attention and absorb each word the kind spirit says.

The spirit asks merely in return to provide a great horse to provide to him in the spirit realm. You wish to honor the noble spirit, and you get to work.

When the time comes, you bring your animal, the most firm and ripe eggplant you could find. The legs are adorned with the sturdiest toothpicks money could buy. You lay the humble creature to journey to the spirit realm where your ancestor awaits.

A world…beyond comprehension? Your ancestor…he’s in trouble and has been for a while. Horse races are a common issue among the spirits and his gambling debts are piling up.

You see, he only buttered you up to get you to make a great horse so he can pay off his debts. That stuff about love, kindness, and respecting your elders? All garbage. Pointless platitudes to get you to do his bidding.

The races are about to start, and your animal is about to appear at the starting gate. Your ancestor feels confident. You were a good child after all, you listened and made the best offering you could. Much better than that neighbor kid’s.

There’s…just a slight problem. That eggplant? I didn’t mention this, but that resembles an ox. Uh, oops? Maybe your ancestor should’ve spelled out the need for a cucumber. Oh well, maybe in another life.

The race starts and the horses are off! But…yours, casually grazing as best an eggplant could. Your ancestor felt as if he died --er, well a second time.

That’s it, his last chance. As the crowds clear from the arena, he is greeted by spirit Yakuza that would humbly like to meet his spirit kneecaps…

Be sure not to listen to your elders, everyone!

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Entry the twenty-third - August 10th, 2025

It’s a Sunday once again! Can you believe it?

Today I added more N5 vocab to my First Principle vocab deck and along the way, I noticed that…well, the vocab is hmm, half baked? Let’s be kind and go with that!

As I am entering the vocab into this deck, I am testing it to see how Japanese learners going from zero would fare, and you would be SHOCKED by the results.

Well, perhaps not, but my finding is that the onboarding process is grosser than the smell of Natto.

From a pedagogical standpoint, I find it hard to convince me that filling in the blank using context sentences for beginners is the right way to approach this. Warning gross light mode ahead!

Look at this sentence. You probably got it right instantly. Book is highlighted in red and the rest of the sentence? Easy peasy!

But for someone who is just learning Japanese and has never even seen ten Japanese words out in the wild, this is overwhelming! They don’t know most of this sentence!

This is the second vocab word they are learning using the N5 Vocab deck.

Context-based learning has merit and is useful for the upper-beginner/intermediate phase of learning. But Bunpro’s default method of learning is quite horrible for new learners.

BUT Bunpro has a fix…well, kinda. You see, it’s messy and unreliable.

In my First Principle deck, I added a nice all-cap disclaimer in the description: “FOR NEW JAPANESE LEARNERS: Go to Settings → Reviews. Scroll down until you see the setting “Default Vocab Review Type”. For Question Type, select: Translate. For Answer Type, select: Reveal & Grade.”

Essentially what this does is recommends new learners to go into the settings and change the vocab to give you a Japanese word and use the trusty ol’ honor system to judge if you got it right or not.

Ideally it would look like this (warning gross light mode ahead, again!):

But in reality, its reliability is…well, poo. I updated the vocab settings to reflect such, but when adding new vocab or reviewing some still reflect this:

At least I don’t have to type the answer! But this is bad and doesn’t reflect what settings were changed.

Jonathan Blow, despite being a cranky and miserly old programmer, has a lot of wisdom on the topic of teaching new players how games work. But…games and learning apps aren’t the same!..right?

Well, shockingly enough, there’s a great amount of overlap between the two.

Blow’s take, based on the numerous talks and presentations he has given through the years, is that complexity can naturally arise from mastering simple fundamentals. Now, how does that reflect on what I am saying? Well, if I learn the word for book, let me test my knowledge on book. Give me context for what I know for book and everything else I already know.

The “Reveal & Grade” setting should be default for those who choose zero Japanese as their baseline for learning Japanese. Maybe as their knowledge and experience grows that can change into context-based learning and beyond.

Overall, I think the current setting and UX for Bunpro’s site for absolutely new Japanese learners is bad. Not in an exaggeration bad, but in terms of a lacking a core philosophy and caring for new learners kind of bad.

It’s so bad, that I would completely overhaul the system and rethink the model from scratch.

If you may recall from a bunch of posts ago, I did a deep dive on the referral system and then one on the onboarding process for new users. I tapped out like a chump! So embarrassing.

Sadly, I did that intentionally as if I kept going the way I analyze games, I would’ve torn this to shreds, which wouldn’t have been fun to read as I would’ve repeated myself a lot, and I think the overall point was made early on: it’s bad.

I will merely say this: If you need to give paragraphs of text to the user of the app or player of a game, you have offloaded the UX/designer’s job onto that user/player. That’s really, really bad.

I was playing Resonance Of Fate last week. If you haven’t played it, please do so, it’s weird. In fact, here’s a funny video with Nolan North in it as a palette cleanser:

Great, eh? The combat is quite quirky too! You can play it as a typical turn-based RPG, but you’re doing a great disservice as it’s quite a chaotic and deep game.

…but sadly that beauty in the complexity is hidden in dozens of pages of tutorial text. You have to not only read a ton of text, but you have to remember what all of that does and it sucks! Learning from doing is beauty. Learning from reading is boring.

The onboarding process for Bunpro has me reading paragraphs of text, needing to juggle all of that, and the process can and should be eliminated in favor of a user-centric philosophy.

Think of the user in Bunpro as the main character of the story the Bunpro developers are telling. The onus is on Bunpro to make that story as interesting and engaging as possible. Currently, at least for new users, it fails completely on that goal and it deeply saddens me.

It’s very easy to pay attention to what users on this forum are saying. We are the survivors and we have data points that can be valuable. But from what I have learned through my experience in data science is that the best data is usually the data you don’t see.

What do the kids call this? Survivorship bias! Did you ever see the plane picture? Oh, boy, if you haven’t, I will show you the plane picture:

To understand the context of the classic plane picture, Wikipedia sensei has you covered.

Perhaps understanding the desires and feelings of those who haven’t made it very far in their Japanese journey is worth exploring.

Gosh, this was a rant, eh? Hardly any jokes, but that Resonance of Fate video? That was something. Bunker busters? Did that put a smile on your face and make your eyes roll at the same time? Me too!

Anyway, food for thought for a post deep in a thread where I ramble a lot.

Appreciate raisins, everyone!

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Entry the twenty-fourth - August 11th, 2025

It’s a Monday once again! Can you believe it?

The First Principle deck now has all of the N5 vocab in the order in which you see them. Here’s some interesting data from using one of my good ol’ sockpuppet accounts.

This…doesn’t look impressive, right? I mean, this deck has less than half of the total N5 vocab than the official Bunpro deck! Well, that’s a valid comment.

When perusing through the N5 vocab deck from Bunpro, I noticed considerable overlap of them using grammar words and variations of words used in the First Principle deck.

After a painstaking amount of time comparing each word to this deck, I estimated that, if excluding redundancies and filler words, that the First Principle deck has about 750-800 out of the 1100 words from the Bunpro vocab deck.

What does this mean? Well, if Bunpro took a more user-focused take on learning, that they can use a First Principle approach to vocab learning and use the missing words from the First Principle deck as additional example sentences in N5 grammar.

That would be a pragmatic approach that would work, but ultimately I think it would be a band-aid but an approach that would correct the ship for new Japanese learners in the long term.

If I have time, I could consider making an N4 variant of the First Principle deck, but it was of great importance that newbies can get a better foothold on learning Japanese without being overwhelmed.

Japanese is hard!

Anyway, that’s all for today, hopefully my Japanese focus will be more minimal tomorrow, as admittedly, it was a pain in the ass making this deck as I had to go through every single word through every single sentence and use the Bunpro vocab search (btw, you guys should just copy how jisho.org handles search).

Hopefully tomorrow will be mundane!

Stay sane, everyone!

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Entry the twenty-fifth - August 12th, 2025

It’s a …Tuesday…once again? …I don’t believe it.

I am cheating a bit! Today is still Monday, but I am posting this early because sometimes it’s okay to break the rules.

Boy howdy, those last two posts were wild, eh? Writing rants are usually the least fun for me to write! Needs a high joke to ramble ratio and that was lacking in both!

To make up this grievance to you all, I will share with you something that is totally not a waste of your time.

I have to warn you, this is unbelievably long and uses naughty language on occasion. As such, posting it blindly would be…unwise.

Thus it’s in a spoiler tag. It may take an hour or two to read when all the pieces are together. You will not learn anything about Japanese language, but you may learn about the power of friendship along the way.

Behold! A Profound Waste of Time Part 1

Oh, boy! Lost Planet, now that’s a Capcom franchise that is dead and buried for at least ten years. Anyone remember that? No, well that’s fine and dandy. I am going through Lost Planet 1 for the first time since 2009, or so.

While waiting for this Xbox download to finish, I suppose I can write up a brief summary of my experience with it. So, I have only played Lost Planet 1 and 2. I have the third game along with the weird Japanese-exclusive spin-off “EX Troopers”, but I don’t have much experience, nostalgia, or really sentimentality for this game at all.

I remember that each game, probably unintentionally, is quite different from the last. But for this, I am playing just basic Lost Planet.

But this is a bit confusing, as Lost Planet, at least on Xbox, has two SKUs. We have vanilla Lost Planet, then we have Lost Planet: Colonies Edition. Remember how Capcom used to love re-selling and repackaging their games with little bonuses? Well, Lost Planet got that treatment.

If memory serves correctly, you cannot buy the vanilla version off the marketplace, just Colonies, which is a bit odd as both are backwards compatible.

Actually, I had a bit of an issue getting the Colonies edition of Lost Planet, as I believe that was only relegated to the “Platinum Hits” version of the game, but whenever I went to Game Stops in the mid 2010s, they only had vanilla Lost Planet. Even when I got the Colonies box, they would sneak in the vanilla disc. It wasn’t until a few years ago, I had enough of this nonsense, so I decided to go on eBay and purchase it myself. I was extra paranoid and made sure the disc and box matched the Colonies Edition.

Now here I am with my empire of Lost Planet games…well, okay, it’s just five games in total, one being a re-release with bonus features, but I love being dramatic.

So let’s just take a look at the parameters for this playthrough.

This has multiplayer and I will not be touching that. I understand and realize that there was a decent following of this game’s multiplayer, but due to the age and the fact there are 2 SKUs fragmenting the player base, it’s safe to assume it’s dead. Also, I am a miserly man and didn’t renew my Xbox subscription. So I don’t even think I can check the lobbies or leaderboards unless I renew that.

So, with that being said, I think focusing on the single player portions would be more of my jam.

If I ever do decide to play Lost Planet 2, that would be a bit harder, as I think that game centered itself around its multiplayer even with its solo modes. But one thing at a time. The download is finished and Lost Planet: Not Colonies Edition awaits!

Okay, whenever I play these pesky games, I always try to see how much friction there is with the intro title cards. There were four intro title cards, three of which couldn’t be skipped but the others could. It looks like the timer was about four seconds per card, so about twelve seconds before we can get to the main menu screen.

I am not sure why only one of which could be skipped, huh. Is it a legal thing? I remember Jon Blow talking about something like this, but I wish I remembered the details.

After waiting a period of a few minutes, an attract video started playing. It was short, showcasing the vibe, enemies, and generalities of the game. I always pondered why relatively modern games still did that as it seems a bit out of place.

Below the press start shows “Character Wayne by Lee Byung Hun / FANTOM Co., LTD”. Sounds like Capcom hired their own Tetsuya Nomura to design the main character…at least, I think Wayne is the main character. Hold on a sec, I am gonna do a bit of digging on Mr. Hun.

Boy was I wrong! Turns out that Mr. Hun is a pretty famous actor and Wayne was modeled after him. According to IMDB, Josh Keaton was the voice actor. It definitely sounds like a Commander Shepard ordeal. Odd, as his name or company he was associated with was not on the intro title. Perhaps Korean companies are a bit anal with those details.

Can we start the game now?

NO we cannot have fun, what even is that? We’re looking at the menu! Okay, the menu for Lost Planet is simultaneously interesting and uninteresting. We have a live background showing a video of the world. Maybe it changes depending on which mission we are playing? Who knows!

Judging from the compression artifacts, it doesn’t seem to be playing in-engine, so just a video of a camera flying through a landscape.

It seems to cycle through various videos one showing a desolate…highway with an unmarked facility? Okay. Next is a video featuring the little dudes. I forget their name, but they are in a cave or hive or something…I know, painfully exciting.

Is it okay if I go through the various options in the menu and randomly interject if there’s a new video in the menu? I think I shall.

As soon as I said that a third video started. Looks like a hentai creature emerging from the snow working to wreak havoc on the chastity of anime girls.

So, starting with the very bottom, we have RECORDS, caps intentional. This is broken down into three segments: Campaign, Online Battle, and the adorably Engrish, Achievement.

Campaign shows the…well, records of your playthrough of the single-player. I have a save record from when I briefly touched this game a few years back, so I can review details, at least of the first two missions.

It logs your Thermal Energy, which I am unsure if it’s the total amount you collected or how much when you finish the mission.

Play time is also logged, again unsure if this is cumulative or a best achieved in the level.

But going down, we have Akrid Killed (the aforementioned little dudes I blanked on), Humans Killed, VSs Destroyed (I believe those are the mechs), and Target Marks.

Oh boy, Target Marks? Are those the arbitrary collectibles found in each mission? Yes and it gets better! There’s Target Marks for each difficulty too! So if you want to be extra meticulous you have to play each mission on four different difficulties and find each target.

Curiously, I see that I got one in Normal that has the letter “R”…does it spell out a word? Does each difficulty have its own word? Does getting each target in each difficulty spell out a cryptic phrase like “Be sure to drink your ovaltine?” I could Google this, but I shan’t. I prefer to raw dog it, at least for the first play.

HUH. I backed out of the Campaign section in RECORDS and a random video played. There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason. Perhaps it wants to keep the dynamism and have a random video play whenever you change out of and back into a menu?

Next section in RECORDS, again, caps intentional, is Online Battle Results. This mouthful contains your records from the multiplayer. It seems there is a rudimentary leveling system in place. I never played it online, so there are no records. But it shows a level bar, with some icon and a flag showing your region.

Below that are four medals with a number next to it, again everything here is zero. I have no idea what the medals are, we have a medal with a…star medal…trippy. The next medal has a flag, the next medal has…I dunno, a rook or something? The last medal has what I believe to be a T-Rex. No words describing them, so please excuse my artistic license.

To wrap this up, this contains stats for: Online Matches, Players Encountered, Enemies Killed, Deaths, Rampage Ratio (Kills / Deaths), Thermal Energy (Total), Elite Enemies Killed, Max Killing Spree, Head Shots, and Friendly Kills.

Okay, I have thoughts. How quaint that they have players encountered as a stat. I always wondered in some multiplayer games like CoD how many people in total I have seen while doing lines of G-Fuel in between sessions during Double XP Weekend.

Also, Rampage Ratio? I have no idea if Capcom created that term specifically for Lost Planet, but it sounds so adorable.

What even are elite enemies? Isn’t this PVP? Is there a PVE element in the multiplayer? I guess the world shall never know.

Lastly, friendly kills…how…brave to have them put that as a stat in multiplayer. Friendly fire is on, and we track it, and we can AND will shame you.

Oh, hey, I forgot. The menu for the RECORDS page is a bit different. No animated videos, or anything like that. I suppose that’s taxing the system a bit too hard.

Next up in the RECORDS is my favorite: Achievement. Picking this will merely bring up the achievement menu in the guide. A bit…boring. But I suppose if it works, it works. Achievement!

We’re movin’ on up, to the OPTIONS side. This contains two parts: Game Settings and Xbox Live Marketplace. Sooo, Phil Spencer personally took the Xbox 360 Store back behind a shed and introduced a shotgun shell to it last Summer. I feel like this option might not work, but we’re exploring, dammit! Let’s see anyway.

But before we do that, one thing is bugging the HECK out of me. At the bottom of the menu is “gamertag :” then following my gamertag. I hate how it’s in lowercase despite the fact that so much is in ALL CAPS. Maybe this was before the age of UX specialists ruining modern UI in games.

Game Settings time! Boy howdy are there settings. We have two sections to the Game Settings, the left-hand side shows us the controller layout. Seeing the image of the Xbox 360 controller is giving me some uncanny valley symptoms. But this simply shows the button layout for the controller. I will describe the default layout with its button format a bit later.

But for now, let’s focus on the actual settings. Settings are on the right-hand side and into four segments, and at the very bottom is the handy “Reset to defaults” option when you accidentally fuck with the settings so much that you inadvertently made it unplayable.

First section is Aiming! We have an interestingly detailed, well for its time, array of selections.

Inverted Controls allows you to select inversion on either the horizontal, vertical, or both. If you’re a normal human being, this will be set to off, or None in this case.

This next option is very, very interesting. Speed. My assumption this is how fuck with the response curves. This is a bit detailed: We have Accelerate, which goes from Accelerate 1, all the way to 8, Fixed, which again, goes from 1 to 8, and Cruise from 1 to 8. The default being Accelerate 3.

Allowing you to change your aiming speed hasn’t been in many console games during this era, let alone the response type you get from each. I have no idea what these do, but I assume for Accelerate there’s a rate of acceleration that changes depending on how far the stick is pushed and the speeds change the acceleration rate?

For Fixed, I think the movement would be equivalent to linear? Where no matter how far you pushed the stick the rate of movement is the same.

Cruise…this might be tricky. It might be something of a mix of Fixed and Accelerate where up to a certain boundary, you move X units per frame, but once you go beyond it, there’s a high acceleration factor?

Might be worth experimenting to see what’s the best feel. But this is pretty cool seeing this in a 2007 game.

Next setting is a bit confusing, but I am curious. View. Default is: Normal. But we have Zoom and Wide as options. Is this the FOV? If true, this would be pretty wild for a 360 game.

Last up in the Aiming section, we have Aim Assistance. Pretty straightforward. ON and OFF, caps intentional.

Next Smegment, typo intentional, is Xbox 360 Controller…sigh, I suppose this is the time I have to painstakingly describe the button layout. Welp, someone’s gotta do it.

But first, we have two parts in the Xbox 360 Controller segment: Control Pattern and Vibration. Vibration is easy: ON and OFF. Simple, right?

Now it’s time for the Control Pattern. I will try my best to make this interesting. There are three layouts titled: PATTERN A, PATTERN B, and PATTERN C. I don’t know about you, but settings in all caps hurt my eyes.

So…I purposely left out one little detail that I will mention now. I deeply apologize for being intentionally deceitful, but I had to do it. Please understand. You see there’s two control modes, one is Human and the other is VS display. I think the VS display is for when you use the mechs.

But let’s look at the default control scheme for the Human then the VS. Then we can look at how the control patterns differ. I hope that’s a clean way to organize this via text!

Human:
LT - Grenade
LB - Turn 90 Degrees Left
RT - Shoot
RB - Turn 90 Degrees Right
Left Stick: Move, CLICK: Crawl
D-PAD: UP/DOWN: Zoom, LEFT/RIGHT: Light
Back: PDA Menu (Holy shit a PDA what is this 2004?)
Start: Pause
Right Stick: Aim, CLICK: Reload
A: Jump
B: Action (Press the action button, Snake!)
X: Anchor (I think that’s the grapnel hook)
Y: Change Weapon

VS:
LT - Fire L-Weapon
LB - Turn 90 Degrees Left
RT - Fire R-Weapon
RB - Turn 90 Degrees Right
Left Stick: Move (No crawling!)
D-PAD: LEFT/RIGHT: Light
Back: PDA Menu (Ever had a PDA before the iPhone? I always wanted one)
Start: Pause
Right Stick: Aim, CLICK: Crawl (Just kidding, it’s Reload)
A: Jump
B: Action
X: SP Attack (Not a clue what that means)
Y: SP Function (No idea either here!)

That was fun and not a slog to write. I bet the feeling was mutual to read, eh? Well, we’re not done yet! What’s the difference between the other control schemes?

Well in PATTERN B, we swap the LB and RB for the Human, so instead of those right angle turns:

LB - Zoom
RB - Reload
D-PAD: Loses the ability to zoom up and down.
Right Stick Click: Turn 360 degrees.

That’s right 360 degrees! Fits the platform quite well. Curious how well that works. Like if you can interrupt it with moving the stick.

For the VS, same deal, except you can manually reload each weapon:

LB - Reload L-Weapon
RB - Reload R-Weapon
Right Stick Click: Turn 360 degrees.

Already, we’re seeing some interesting, but minor mechanical changes to how you operate the game. It’s already weird having a post-Gears of War-style game using quick turns. But having a quick…spin? Interesting.

Almost done! Onwards to PATTERN C! This one looks the weirdest, but let’s dig into the differences for the Human compared to PATTERN A.

LB - Change Weapon
RB - Reload
Right Stick Flick: Turn 360 degrees.

Flick: turn 360 degrees?! Whaaaaat does that mean? I am curious how this can be done or how often it could be done in error. Interestingly, the Y button does nothing. That’s…a choice

Nevertheless, almost done, here’s the VS:

LB - Reload L-Weapon
RB - Reload R-Weapon
Right Stick Flick: Turn 360 degrees

Very same-y, right? I am curious in trying all three out to see what would be a good choice. I find it refreshing seeing a game with a reload button not being on the face button as I think it’s more important having your hands on the controls and aiming as much as possible, even between reloads.

But I find it so curious that they give the ability to reload manually for the VS per weapon but only in patterns B and C.

ARE WE DONE? Not quite. Ten pages into this and we’re still not even playing the darn game. We have two more segments and they will be quick, I promise.

Sound segment has two parts: Music Volume and SFX Volume. Both are bars, with, it seems, 100 points of articulation. It’s pretty hard to fine tune them. I would prefer a number, but what do I know?

Last segment is Screen/Other. I love how descriptive Other is. It has Brightness and Subtitles. Brightness is the same type of bar, and Subtitles is a simple ON and OFF toggle. Sometimes I feel like I put the caps on just to fuck with you, kind reader. Just kidding. You’re a trooper if you somehow read all of this!

Btw, these settings don’t save automatically, when you make a change and back out, it has a confirmation screen asking to save. I feel indifferent to having it save automatically versus it asking me. I guess I would grind my gears if I had to change the settings all the time, which would probably be rare for this game.

Remember how we were in the OPTIONS part of the menu? Well we’re still not done, if you can believe that! Next up is the Xbox Live Marketplace!

I thought this wouldn’t work, but…it does! This is a trip, I will tell you. There are currently 19 items listed…you know what? Fuck it. We’re doing all 19:

Main Character 1M Theme for 63 cents! Okay, tangent time. Microsoft used to do MS points which were a ridiculous conversion from dollars to points. 800 MS points was $10. So this theme was a whopping 50 MS points! This theme was to celebrate Lost Planet and Dead Rising hitting a million sales. Not separately, together. What simpler times…

Snow Pirates 1 1M Picture Pack again, 63 cents or 50 fun bucks. This shows three snow pirates. Also the 1M stuff is the 1 million sale celebration for two games released five months apart from each other. Does that imply that Dead Rising slacked or Lost Planet slacked between them?

Snow Pirates 1M Theme for 63 cents or about 50 V-bucks.

Snow Pirates 2 1M Picture Pack for 63 cents. I wonder how many CoD Points that equals? Capcom surely loves snow pirates.

“Theater” Trailer (420p) - okay, one thing you will notice, is that during this time, many trailers released had a 420p version and the super cool, super trendy 720p version. So if you really wanted to, you can own the standard def trailer.

“Theater” Trailer (720p) - hey, look, it’s the 720p trailer I mentioned.

LOST PLANET Online Demo - less than 200 MB for a demo! Crazy, eh? Also what’s with the obsession with the caps? I mean it is CAPcom after all.

Lost Planet “Snow Pack” Theme for 63 pennies or about 96 Yen by today’s conversion. This is the first non 1 million celebration whatever pack. Also, no caps this time for the title!

Lost Planet Picture Pack 1. Even inflation hits 2007 games, with this one at a whopping 75 cents. That’s like, what 60 Monkey Scrotum points? This shows renders of…characters? I have no idea who any of these people are. Curious who actually bought them and decided to be NPC number 4 as their online avatar for Xbox Live.

Lost Planet Picture Pack 2 is next. I actually didn’t look at the listing, just guessed and I was right! For 75 cents what does this get you? Well, one of them is of the Akrid, Dongo. I will just move right along…hehe…Dongo.

Secrets to Keep Trailer. Looks like the next few trailers don’t have SD or HD listings, I hope your bandwidth can handle the 70 MB of trailer.

Awakening Trailer. Yes, we’re really going through all of this.

Cold Reality Trailer. If you’re still paying attention, please let me know. This is driving me mad too.

LOST PLANET E3’06 Demo. Hold your horses. TWO demos? With this being half a year prior to launch? I might wanna look into this. I am curious if they changed anything. Slight, small, or insignificant, it’s right up my alley!

LOST PLANET Theme. Wowzers, this is the most expensive item yet! $1.88 for a theme! That’s highway robbery. That has to be at least 150 MS points.

LOST PLANET Pre-E3’06 Trailer (480p) - I am getting really tired of typing that title in caps. No copy/paste here!

LOST PLANET Pre-E3’06 Trailer (720p). Ever wonder which version of the trailer was more popular? Someone has the stats somewhere.

Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions Trailer (480p). No caps, this is great. I am curious what the motivation is for styling it with and without caps. Like, someone had to make that decision somewhere. Team Caps or Team Normal. Which do you represent?

Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions Trailer (720p). We’re done! That’s it. If you read all of this so far, I salute you.

3500 words later and you may be wondering to yourself, “Can you please, PLEASE talk about the game?” My response is…not quite. We still have two more segments in the main menu to talk about, and fortunately it’s not bad.

So, I know it’s impossible to tell here, but I took a break and decided to load the game up again. Well, game is an interesting word, as we did nothing in terms of playing it.

But I find it curious when starting up the game, after pressing start on the title screen, it says that no storage device is selected by default and asks me to select storage or throw caution to the wind. Is this a curio due to the nature of me playing this on the Series X? I wonder if this is like it on the Xbox 360 version. Maybe going back and playing it on 360 along with the demos should be something I should try to replicate and see if it happens again.

Now, where was I? Should I even say that as you have no idea of my absence? Oh well, you can spare to indulge a few sentences if you manage to make it this far. Oh, yeah! Just finished going through the Xbox Live Marketplace arrangements. Wasn’t that fun?

Right above the OPTIONS segment, we have ONLINE BATTLE. It is greyed out, so I cannot select it. Well, I can, it just chastises me for being poor.

Moving right along, we have CAMPAIGN, I feel like we’re going to be quite familiar with this one. Three options here: New Game, Continue, and Mission Select. Standard fare, honestly a bit boring, but we gotta work with what we got.

What’s in Mission Select you ask? Glad you asked. So this is a bit abnormal that your standard mission select than you’re used to. There are two halves to the screen, and the easiest one to describe will be the one on the right.

The right-hand side is a map of this supposed lost planet, which is a bit ironic as how can it be lost if they clearly mapped out the topography? Plot holes aside, each mission shows an icon on the map of where it takes place along with an image of the mission. I am truly curious on who selected the image for some of this as the image selected for mission one is nondescript.

But, I think it’s a bit neat, a tad contradictory in showing this map on the mission select screen. A bit more exciting than just the mission along with an image.

On the left-hand side we have our mission select screen. This is a bit weirder than how I am used to seeing things. Each mission is structured as so: Mission 00: Mission name. Then below it is the difficulty you finished it with the lower difficulties being selectable. Below that to the right are the medals you’ve obtained per difficulty.

It’s really odd to me seeing the difficulty being selectable on the mission itself on a per mission basis. But I suppose that makes sense, as you can start a hard mode play, finish mission one and then not do mission 2. That means only mission 1 would have hard mode selectable and not the others.

Also, I am curious about the medals. Why medals? Why not just do something more…interesting? Is there a lore or gameplay reason we’re doing this? Very confusing to me.

Okay, enough is enough. We can finally start the game.

I will play this on the normal difficulty. If I do decide on a harder play run, I will notate this, but everything will have normal as the default mode of play.

It seems if you select New Game and you already have save data, it will nuke it from orbit. Soooo, if you’re going to start this over again like I am, maybe just stick with Mission Select for future runs.

Only three difficulties are available, Easy, Normal, and Hard. Suspiciously, there’s space for one more difficulty at the bottom. I feel like this is gonna be the super-ultra-fun mode of play.

The game begins with a pretty long exposition dump setting the world and blah blah blah. Humans left Earth to establish E.D.N. III, which I suppose is the third E.D.N., well that looks like an acronym. Does it stand for anything? No clue!

We’re in the year, -80 or something TC. Terminal something or another. I am sorry they were throwing a good amount of things at me at once so my little peanut brain couldn’t juggle it all.

The first cutscene starts with those crazy kids leaving the front door open so a bunch of gigantic creatures from Monster Hunter arrive. No idea who thought it was a good idea to let those things in. But apparently they are the Akrid and inside they have a creamy center full of thermal energy.

Goodness, what other narrative tidbits were there? Oh, humanity established a colony, then got the boot when the Akrid fought back. Then humanity came up with mechs called VS called…uh, something suits.

There’s a guy named Gale. Not sure who he is, but the character Wayne said “Dad!” so I assume that’s his dad.

There was another colony established and existed for 20 years…okay, I am going to say this. Don’t fucking give me so many things to juggle all at once. I combed through all of your options and while going in blind, I have a better idea of what’s happening and even I am lost in this planet of lore dumping.

I know the game has a manual, and was I supposed to read and memorize that? Do you really want me to do an entire analysis on that? You want me to pause the game and just go through the manual? I will do it, dammit!

Anyway, while starting the game, your Thermal Energy constantly decreases, which is annoying as I really like to mess around with the feel of the controls. I find it odd, as in the very first mission you are indoors, so why does the Thermal Energy, or as the game lovingly calls T-ENG, decrease?

The aiming feels off. Like, really odd. You move the reticule a little bit and the camera doesn’t move until you move far enough in a certain direction. This goes at odds with third person games.

I find it a bit odd that the 90 degree turns overshoot it. Perhaps this is just me getting used to the controls, but I will write more of my discoveries.

Anyway, the game starts with you testing out your grappling mechanic, and I need to test how that functions more. There was an amusing scene where a dude, maybe Gale, was opening a hatch on the floor to rappel below. A soldier put his hand up specifically for me halting my progression and an invisible wall was preventing me from goofing off.

But once you did have full agency to move, you were supposed to fall down and automatically you would grapple down. I reached the bottom and had no idea which button it was to detach, so I pressed A and it catapulted me to the top, I jumped, fell down the same hole and crashed down. Luckily for me, there’s no fall damage.

But as soon as that happened a rollie pollie Akrid cruised in and my dudes opened fire. There’s no fall damage, but there is friendly fire…for some reason as I stood in front of my supposed ally as he unloaded a magazine into my back.

After doing that, a huge wall of text appeared, which was more terrifying than any foe I’ve encountered thus yet. Weakened from the lore dump a few minutes prior, I found it nigh impossible to continue paying attention to more explanations. But I soldiered on.

This text box, in painstaking detail, explained to me what Thermal Energy and the Harmonizer do. Remember when I said those Akrid have a creamy filling inside? When you kill them, their creamy goodness oozes from every orifice, pooling on the floor. You collect that to increase your T-ENG which is constantly decreasing, because it’s cold outside and apparently a jacket ain’t gonna cut it.

But when you get damaged, the Harmonizer comes into play, the Harmonizer is what facilitates the health regen, I guess. It takes whatever creamy goodness you gathered from the Akrid and spends it to restore your health from a friendly fire incident.

What happens when you reach 0 T-ENG? Well, your health bar decreases, which this game happens to call your life gauge.

Let’s talk HUD. Your HUD, at least so far, is pretty basic. On the upper left-hand side you have your “Life gauge”, called Life with a short, nondescript green bar. Below that is your constantly dwindling T-ENG, which is annoying that I have to constantly pause the game to talk about this.

Upper right-hand side, we have our compass, which rotates as you move around, with the north side highlighted in red so you don’t get lost, I guess. Inside the compass, I assume this will show friendly and enemy icons. Need to see if it shows items or VS mechs.

The bottom right-hand side shows your active weapon and the ammo.

The bottom left-hand side is blank, but if I remember correctly, this is for grenades.

Our aiming reticule resembles a little X, but with a circle in the middle. Below it is a meter showing how much ammo we have in our current magazine before needing to reload.

The aiming reticle turns green whenever you can grapple on to something.

Jumping is…interesting to say the least. You can jump quite high, maybe 1.5x your height? But when you land, there’s a brief pause, so spamming jump while playing may not be a wise speedrun strat.

I noticed that the default aiming is a bit too sluggish for me. Like it’s too slow initially, but the longer you hold it in a direction the acceleration gets higher?

It’s also odd that the only way to change the aim settings is not via the pause menu, as that only has: Back, Restart, and Quit. You need to go into your PDA and select the Configuration to change it.

Oh, jeez. All this goofing around and I am almost out of energy. Oh, well. Let’s see if I can tweak the settings to make it easier to aim.

It looks like the View option does change the FOV in a weird way, the zoom option narrows it, but for the life of me, I cannot tell the difference between Normal and Wide. Is this to accommodate widescreen TVs? As at that time, there were many gamers still rocking the standard def units. In fact, this kinda made Dead Rising a bit hard to play as a result. So is this Capcom’s way of fixing that?

When shooting enemies, I noticed that it highlights the enemy with two triangles? I suppose to help guide you when shooting as the enemies may blend into the environment.

Also, it looks like the aiming has pretty healthy auto aim, or more specifically bullet magnetism. I was shooting in the general vicinity of an enemy, my reticule wasn’t red nor reticule not on the enemy and the bullets made contact.

Y’know I have not a damn clue what my objective is in this level at all. I activated something called a Data Post, and another text box of death appeared. It said that these data posts give me thermal energy, not sure how, but after doing so, I can use the map on my PDA. This also tells me the direction of the next data post.

Maybe these posts are the little markers telling my dumbass where to go. It seems linear so far, maybe things blend into the environment?

After vanquishing the text box from bad tutorial hell, I am greeted with a cutscene showing a huge Akrid, which Gale, remember him?, called a Green Eye. For creatures with creamy thermal goo in their bodies, this creature confused me. Here’s something the size of a building, yet it could breathe ice blasts and freeze things? I guess I shouldn’t think too hard about it.

I accidentally changed my aiming sensitivity to the highest on Accelerate, so it would be interesting seeing if I goof this sequence.

Pressing back does in fact show a map. If it paused the game, I would be more inclined to give a better analysis of this, but the Jolly Green Giant is chasing me, maybe later.

After a daring escape from the Green Meanie, I changed my aim sensitivity to Linear 5. It looks like this also affected how the reticule moves, as it is fixed similarly to how a typical third person shooter operates. Very weird how this game is operating.

Payback time? So after hopping into a VS, which in this case is the PTX-140, another text box appeared! Sidenote, you think the X stands for Xtreme? I hope so. This goes through the basic controls that I listed earlier, right? Well, not quite! This VS mech has special powers?

The A button is to hover, you jump and then press A again to hover. One more time to cancel. Y is to dash. It says in the direction of your Left Stick, but we shall see. X is the VS Saw, so I assume that is the melee attack.

Ah, there’s a catch! Jumping increases the rate of T-ENG consumption. With hovering keeping the rate of high consumption steady. A bit lame, but can’t have fun all the time, I suppose.

After putting some rounds into the Green dude, we get about a three minute cutscene that drastically changes things, adds weird plot elements, and introduces new characters! Yay, that’s going to be a mess.

So we failed in killing big Greeny, and in turn killed our dad, who was Gale. Oddly, during the cutscene, it showed the VS mech that I used to be quite agile, which it most definitely wasn’t in the game. I wish this sucker could skate around like those cute lil robots from Ghost in the Shell.

With dad dead, we get ominous voice over about…actually I don’t remember other than there might be a secret plot or conspiracy. I suppose it doesn’t matter a whole lot.

We then get to a scene of Wayne walking around in his mech in the snow, it failing, and then in another scene he is in bed with a UV of Thermal Energy linked to his right arm.

The dude administering it, finds it odd, which I do too, as this makes me think his right arm has magical Shonen Jump powers. Then two more characters are introduced…uh, I actually don’t remember their names. Guy with goggles and girl with cleavage. We do things that aren’t important.

The next scene starts, and I don’t remember anything from it.

The next scene starts after that and the three characters mention their goal in destroying Akrid and how they need a VS pilot. The characters are confused when Wayne said he can do it despite the fact they found him in a destroyed VS.

If you’re confused like I am, then that’s okay. All of this information was conveyed in what it feels like three or so minutes. No build up, just sharted out on a plate for us to consume.

Thus, ladies and gentlemen, the prologue.

After this, Mission 1, or stylized as Mission 01 begins. Our task is simple: kill Akrid and destroy a hive.

Did you read it all? I don’t blame if you skipped it. Will I actually start the first mission?! Find out tomorrow…er, Wednesday or whenever/if ever you read that!

That was probably the palette cleanser this dumb blog needed and probably the longest post on Bunpro by at least one magnitude. Fun fact! This Profound Waste of Time has to be broken into several chunks! I learned the character cap is 40,000 characters and my post is only…uh a quarter of a million.

Sooo, you know what I will do? Break this sucker up into chunks each day and share it along with my typical posts in a spoiler. Yes, we’re not done!

To those that read it all, I salute thee!

4 Likes

Entry the twenty-sixth - August 13th, 2025

It’s a Wednesday once again! Can you believe it?

Today was an action-packed summer blockbuster type of day for my Japanese reviews. A total of 12, yes, 12 reviews had to be finished. After doing those in a record time of some undeterminable amount, they were vanquished. Not one but TWO grammar points decided to bite the dust by my might.

Yes, yes, I am turning into a Japanese man right before your very eyes.

As such transformation needs to be made manifest, my girlfriend and I have spent this week planning and finalizing the details of a Japan trip for later this year. (Did you know there’s a Mister Donut museum in Osaka? Maybe one day I will do a post on how amazing that store is!)

But this got me thinking of airports. If you have done any type of flying, you know how hard it is to relax and be at peace, so it can be hard to pay attention to what’s around you. However, this flying planning got me thinking about something a bit more specific than airports. The people working there, specifically.

Well…okay? So what? People have to work at airports, Tesla Optimus robots haven’t replaced us all yet. What’s interesting about that?

Think about it. You have the essential staff at the airport to check you through security, get the logistics of flights, etc…but what about the people working at those restaurants? What about them?

I will give an example, at the Houston airport, there is a Wendy’s. Nothing special, right? Well, maybe the cost of a meal is like 25% more, but…who wants to work there? Well, granted who really wants to work at a fast food restaurant? But more specifically who wants to work at an airport fast food restaurant?

If you’re in the US like me, you can quickly find fast food in any given direction, so the people working there most likely had to go out of their way to work at an airport.

Maybe they get paid more? If so by how much? How do you find a job at an airport? Do you have to go through security each time?

So many mysteries about the process of working at a fast food restaurant in an airport. I almost want to submit a resume myself just to see what it’s like.

But we’re not done! Part two of my epic journey through the land of the lost is below:

A Profound Waste of Time Part 2 - Still Lost

Curiously, this is labeled as “Intermission”. Which I guess makes technical sense as we are in between missions.

Before we start Mission 01, I want to mention that the horizontal and vertical sensitivity are not uniform per axis. The vertical speed, at least on Linear, is much faster than the horizontal. Really puts into question why give me so many options but not have the ability to change the axis.

Checking out the Cruise aiming option and it feels like Accelerate but with zero acceleration when you reach full tilt, like it has a bit of initial acceleration that is high but peters out immediately. This might be a better option than Accelerate, but I think Linear might be better. I dunno, I am gonna fiddle with this a lot, I think. Which is great as there totally isn’t a timer constantly counting down.

Pressing up and down on the D-PAD, as famously mentioned several thousand words ago, does a zoom. But there is a twist! There’s three levels of zoom. You have your normal, default perspective, pressing up zooms and doing what you would expect, but pressing up again goes into a faux first person view. It doesn’t show a weapon or anything like that in a typical FPS, but it is a super zoom.

Curiously, pressing up repeatedly cycles the three options, where pressing down does the same but in reverse. I say curiously, as you would think it would stop you after going to the highest zoom level. Personally, I don’t think there should be three levels of zoom, but maybe I am an idiot and am wrong. That’s totally possible.

Checking out control Pattern C and remember how that mentioned 360 degrees of rotation when you flicked the stick? Well that’s not entirely true. Flicking the stick right, only rotates to the right 90 degrees. It doesn’t do a full 360. It doesn’t feel that bad! But the speed of Linear 5 seems fast enough where the quick turning in general doesn’t feel useful.

I am very curious about the general consensus on quick turning in Lost Planet. As I feel that having optimal movement speed for aiming is preferred.

Let’s check out the PDA! Oh, boy, games during this era LOVED PDAs. They are the future after all! Well, until Apple destroyed that with their pesky iPhones. Pressing back gives the PDA, and there’s some housekeeping we need to do to get up to speed.

The PDA has three tabs: Mission Details, Mission Logs, and Configuration. Accessing the PDA does not pause the game at all. While using the PDA think Dark Souls! You can still move your character around, so using the Left Stick will only result in disappointment. The D-Pad is your friend, in PDA navigation. Using left or right when highlighted at the top of the tabs will allow you to swap between the three.

Mission Details seem to have the exact wording used during the pre-mission …sortie screen? I dunno what to even call it that. On the bottom right shows a screen for your map…well, it would appear if you activated the data posts, as famously mentioned previously.

One thing I might want to add is your Life Gauge and your T-ENG are constantly visible during each tab in the PDA.

Another thing I noticed is that on the map if you haven’t accessed a data post says, “Outside data post range” curious if the map will disappear if you don’t activate more while progressing the level. I kinda want to experiment what it’s like when you’re in between in-range and out-of-range.

Message Logs shows the tutorial boxes from hell that I encountered during the first sequence. I guess this is a decent place to put them. Do you think it would have other goodies there later in the game? Oh, I hope so!

Last is Configuration. This has a truncated version of the same in the main menu. We have Inverted Controls, Speed, View, Aim Assistance, Controller Pattern, Vibration, Music Volume, SFX Volume, and of course the Reset to Defaults option for your tinkering pleasure. However, if you change the controller pattern, it will not show the controller layout, so I hope you memorized that!

I don’t like how changing the layout and play of the game is done in this option. I think it would’ve been better to pause the game and have the same exact configuration layout for you. I completely forgot what Controller Pattern B does. But thankfully, I documented it like the lunatic that I am.

The melee attack feels slow as once you start it the time it takes before you have full control is about 1.5 seconds. Does this mean the melee is strong? Because it would be total lame sauce if it was weak and had such a long windup and cooldown.

LT is the grenade button, but I tried to hold it down to see if they cook, at least the default frag doesn’t do that. Running off Halo rules, I see.

Your Machine Gun has a 50 round magazine. Finally we have a gun without a 30 round magazine!

Speaking of Halo, this game runs off the two guns at a time rule. Where you can carry two, but it did something a bit cheeky. Remember in Halo 2 where you could carry two weapons, but the other weapon wasn’t visible until you swapped it? This was fixed in Halo 3 where your other weapon was either on your back or holster. Guess what? Lost Planet did that nine months before Halo 3. So get rekt, Bungie.

I really wish I could stare more at the environment, it’s not super ugly for an early 360 game, but the timer for T-ENG doesn’t help here.

The game loves invisible walls. I tried to enter a building in which the VS mech could enter, but I think the game is not-so-subtly telling me that this is gonna be an on-foot fight.

Welp, this allows me to test the magazine capacity of the Gatling Gun. 36 bullets. Judging from the sound of the gun, I thought it would be more from the rapid firing going on. But nope! Just 36.

But you can remove the Gatling Gun from the VS mech for Wayne to use it on foot. Unlike Halo 3, this does take up a slot in your two weapons. More confusingly when you swap from Gatling Gun to say Machine Gun, you drop the Gatling Gun down. I gotta give Bungie credit, their implementation is much less cumbersome. But to Lost Planet’s credit, you can reattach the guns back to the VS, albeit in a slightly clunky way.

Also, it’s so hilarious seeing Wayne being agile with this gun clearly bigger than he is.

When swapping weapons, I am not a fan of the slight pause of movement Wayne makes. It’s brief, yes, but it takes all sense of fluidity out the window. Is this Capcom saying with their mechanics that they want this game to be a slower-paced game?

Also, when exiting the VS mech past the anti-VS mech invisible barrier, I am inside a parking garage. I am left with two impressions. Boy, the barrels here are very weirdly placed. Like they give the feeling that they are floating and are not a natural part of the environment. Also, I think the Akrid AI might be special needs. I destroyed a tiny nest, killed some of their pals, and some just don’t react at all to me.

The Shotgun has a very meaty sound. It sounds like a gaming shotty should. It looks like there are 8 shells per… well not a magazine, but I guess this game treats it as such. Also the reload times for both Shotgun and Machine Gun are fast.

Also, I have 18 Grenades in my inventory. I don’t think I have played an action game that allowed me to carry that many. Speaking of inventory! The Machine Gun has a limit of 999 bullets.

The flashlight is mildly interesting, it gives slight survival horror vibes with the constant but faint flickering.

The explosions from those totally unnatural barrels is mildly amusing. It seems they play a 2d explosion image that might be an asset reuse from Dead Rising. Which would make sense as both are the same engine and Capcom loves recycling assets.

Items might be buried under the snow, eh? Well, to dig an item out of the snow, you have to mash the B button repeatedly to dig it. I wonder if it’s based on the number of presses or time pressing the button. I should observe that.

Hey, lookie here. I found a medal while going slightly off the beaten path. It has the letter ‘A’ on it. Secret code?! You must shoot it to activate it. Walking over it does nothing. Neat little effect of it disappearing into the aether when you shoot it.

I wonder where this little medal goes? Is it canonical to the Lost Planet lore I was given at a break-neck pace?

When you grapple on something, it looks like the game automatically moves your character a bit forward, so you can land on what you’re grappling towards. You can alter this, but you really can’t change much distance, rather the direction. Also, you must be standing while grappling, you cannot be jumping…well, that’s lame. I suppose this fits in the seemingly slow-paced mantra that Capcom is trying to give me. If that’s true, then it’s a bit ironic that this game has a timer.

Okie dokie made a bit more progress, and I do say a bit into Mission 01, I went into an abandoned warehouse, and noticed that when a bigger Akrid arrived the vibration set Wayne off balance and it made me lose control over moving him. So this game seems to be okay with taking full control over your character during moments where enemies can arrive.

The Rocket Launcher is powerful, but slow. Taking out the bigger, I have no idea name, Akrid in only two hits. Each reload seems to be about three seconds long.

Wowzers! Going slightly off the beaten path by going up stairs in the abandoned warehouse netted me another medal, this time with the letter ‘R’ on it.

I am really digging the sound design so far, everything has a meaty, almost impactful feeling. Slow, but powerful. Is that the theme described through its sound? Curious.

Hand Grenades max out at 20. I am thinking I should be liberal in my usage. Typically in these types of games, I am quite stingy with them.

God, I love how comically large the explosions are. Just destroying one barrel at a medium distance completely covers the screen in that cheap 2d explosion effect.

This shotty has some range. Curious about the spread, but about 20 meters it shattered a frozen rolling Akrid. I should come up with names for these if this game doesn’t give me any. So the Akrid I defeated were the rolly ones, so I think Rolly Polly Olly, shortened as Rolly would suffice.

If you leave T-ENG on the ground, it will eventually disappear. I guess how it works is this: when T-ENG is left, there is a numerical value tied to it, let’s say 100 for this example. Then it decays like it would when you have T-ENG. When you pick it up, let’s say it’s at 80 when you do, then the 80 is added to the total T-ENG pool you have?

It looks like the data post gives a range of X units or encounters before it turns off and you need to activate another. There’s no gradual fade, the map just turns off immediately when you are out of range.

Man, Wayne walks so slowly. I get it, but maaaaan, I wish he could move faster. C’mon dude, just drop the 20 grenades for a speed boost. I won’t tell anyone.

I don’t have a lot of experience with Monster Hunter, like I played less than ten hours total with the series, but boy this game reminds me of Monster Hunter. The giant Akrid, the slow but almost comical movement. Gives me the vibes of Monster Hunter. I bet the director either worked on the series before or at some point in his career.

Activated another Data Post, I forgot to count, but it looked like it was based off time, but if you stopped inputting the B button, it would cancel activating the data post. However, cancelling the data post does not reset progress made towards activating it.

Welp, confirmed, enemies are as dumb as a box of rocks. Ol’ Rolly Polly Olly charged at me with his classic spin dash attack, what he didn’t account for was the gap in the mountain, causing him to fall to his doom. Shame, I could’ve used his creamy T-ENG.

Okay, with more banter during the mission, I believe the 3 characters introduced are Yuri (not that kind), Luka (the boob woman), and Rick (the goggle guy).

Yuri mentioned something about boulders. I shot one at close range with the shotty and it crumbled down the mountain. Curious if this is a one off type of deal or something revisited a decent amount.

When shooting the boulders, I noticed the asset disappears and immediately spawns several smaller boulder objects with physics.

Maybe the rate of T-ENG decreases changes per difficulty or environment, but it looks like it decreases at a rate of 3-4 per second?

I think I found a weird inconsistency. Is the MT Framework, at least the early version of it not capable of rendering larger environments? As I went through a cave shooting Akrid, which I will call Mr. DNA from Jurassic Park, and it transitioned to another level. I didn’t see a loading screen but it did transition.

Also, before the transition, I noticed that the sound reverberated in a…well, not realistic manner but at least in a convincing manner while in the cave. I guess that’s the feature of the next gen of consoles! Well, for something about 20 years old. It might’ve been a trigger or some sort of volume which caused it. As I was firing the gun quite frequently before going into the cave, and when I did the sound effects immediately changed. If that’s the case, then I think even the previous gen could do that.

I get the impression the Machine Gun has a set range? I was shooting at a small nest and it didn’t seem to do anything until I got closer until the reticule changed to red. I will have to keep this in mind if that actually does anything.

When firing the Gatling Gun while on foot, you cannot move. Decent trade off, I suppose. It looks like the range for the gun is higher than the Machine Gun.

Found something called the Energy Gun. It has unlimited ammo, but what’s the catch? Does it use T-ENG? You use it by holding the trigger down, and it fires a huge ball of…well, energy! It seems to just keep going in one direction until it hits something.

Also, not fully convinced that the Machine Gun has long range, as it can hit the Mr DNA Akrid from a distance without the reticule turning red. Is there a damage falloff and Mr. DNA only has like one health point?

It seems that the Energy Gun does use T-ENG. When firing it, I see a decrease of around 13 T-ENG.

While in the cave, I guess we’re going into a giant wasp nest. Oh, is this the nest that we need to destroy. How…EDF of you, Lost Planet. Wait, is this game just a combination of Monster Hunter and Earth Defense Force? Huh, never thought I would say that before.

Entering into the hive wasn’t a good idea! We have a boss fight! Fortunately there are multiple VS mechs conveniently placed…for some reason. I entered one called the GTF-11. I only know that because another game-pausing text box magically appeared. This only can hover and dash, no chainsaws today.

Whoever made the pick up weapon with the VS the same button to exit the VS needs to be fired out of a cannon and into the sun. You can see why this poses an issue, right?

The boss fight was with a Rolly Polly Elder. Meaning that he’s functionally like Rolly Polly Olly, but with an extra part to it.

The boss arena is a dome with several VS mechs, and it heavily implies you should use one, and you should! You pick up an extra gun and it seems there is a rocket as well as Gatling Guns for the VS.

The idea is simple. Rolly Polly Elder rolls around the dome from top to bottom in an attempt to confuse you because of his rapid movement. Fortunately, an easy win is to jump in the center and hover. Sadly, the hover for the GTF-11 is only for a few seconds (more like WTF-11, ammirite?) before you come down to the ground. But after a few rounds of the Elder spazzing like a special needs child, he pauses for a few moments allowing you to get some shots in.

The tail is glowing for the Elder, so it’s a safe idea to assume that it’s his weak spot. Shoot until it dies! After a few minutes, it comes to an end. Very easy encounter all things considered, but man did the exiting the VS button and picking up weapon button being mapped is so dumb. More like the BS button, ammi- okay, I will stop for now.

I want to experiment with Controller Pattern B, as it seems that this might be the better option, as since moving from the default aiming scheme to Linear 5, it made the quick turn solutions rather…obsolete. Also, I want to be able to reload the dual weapons individually for the VS which isn’t an option with the default setting.

After killing Rolly Polly Elder, a mission complete screen abruptly appears giving me my stats.

Despite all my rambling, it took only 28 minutes exactly to finish the first mission and 148 Akrid kills.

Oh, god. Not another cutscene! Okay, so in this cutscene, it’s not bad! We discuss the group the Crimson Unity, snow pirates who…stole a trailer. The cutscene implies that the three characters are also pirates and they are rivals. Uh…let’s see, oh they need the trailer to destroy more nests. I guess that’s the plot, eh? Lame.

Another topic that’s slightly confusing. So the planet of lost was first colonized 150 years ago, but the Akrid and their band of misfits stirred so much shit it caused the colonists to abandon their homes. The rich going offworld and the normies adopting the cool moniker of pirates. This is confusing as Wayne has been on this planet but never heard of them? Does he have memory loss? The game mentions it, but he doesn’t have any indication of memory loss. So which is it? Also, if he was on the planet, doesn’t that make him a pirate also?

So many mysteries, but that’s Mission 01 in a nutshell!

Tangent time! Well, this whole thing kinda feels like a big tangent or at least an elaborate shitpost, and if somehow you read all of this from top to bottom, I am proud and slightly concerned over your mental health.

If for any reason you didn’t get filtered through the last 9000+ words describing in painstaking detail the various mechanics of Lost Planet, then I have a challenge. Remember when I jokingly said I was gonna go through the manual because all of this felt like a fever dream? Well buckle up. I have the manual and it’s 37 pages of fun. Each page will get an explanation. I will try my darndest to make it interesting. Let’s consider it a challenge. If I can make a manual entertaining, maybe I can make watching paint dry entertaining too.

Let’s dive in, amigos!

Wow, it sounds like next entry might be a true profound waste of time! Will I actually go through the manual arc and observe each page in painstaking detail? Will I ever find true nirvana from this game? Find out next time!

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Entry the twenty-seventh - August 14th, 2025

It’s a Thursday once again! Can you believe it?

Today was a crazy day for my reviews. The total number of reviews I have done was a prime number. That makes me feel great. Prime numbers are grossly under appreciated. Unlike a non-prime number, this review count stands alone. As for what that number is, maybe I will give some obscure hints during my tangent. How far will you go to learn the truth to something that doesn’t matter?

Speaking of obscurity and profound wastes of time (we’ll get to that soon!), I was looking at the rules of the card game Yu-Gi-Oh, and I was shocked at how many rules there were! One card had over a paragraph of text!

Oh my goodness! Did you read all of that? Why would you? Why would you waste your time reading this? There’s thousands of cards from Yu-Gi-Oh that have a crazy amount of text.

I thought to myself, “At least Magic doesn’t have this.”…or…does it?

Allow me to introduce to you: The Comprehensive Rules of Magic

This crazy thing is over 250 pages of pure, unadulterated rules. We’re talking boilerplate that you would see in Bunpro’s Terms of Service page.

There’s no pictures, no funny comments, just…this. To fully understand Magic:The Gathering…do I really have to go through all of this? Is that a failure of the game?

In my humble opinion, YES!

I remember playing Baldur’s Gate 1 a few years back and I jumped into the game without doing anything. I had no knowledge of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, didn’t read the manual, had no idea of the lore of Forgotten Realms – none of that.

Would you be surprised to hear that I was lost and tapped out after an hour? Yeah…So what did I do? Did I quit? Well, not immediately! I read the manual.

The manual of Baldur’s Gate 1, at least on Steam is over 150 pages long (fortunately, it has pictures!)

Who…in the world would do a deep dive on this? An insane person surely, and so I went in…but…as soon as I tried to understand THAC0 was, I tapped out. I didn’t want to do homework when I played games. I wanted to relax after a long day!

Why are many games like this? But surely, this is just a weird coincidence. Sid Meier’s Civilization V! That’s a game I liked a lot, didn’t quite understand all the bells and whistles. Let’s see how many pages are in that game’s manual?

This is worse than Baldur’s Gate!

Doing a deep dive into a manual to understand the game’s mechanics can lead you down rabbit holes you never thought possible. And thus I present you Part 3 of the Profound Waste of Time Epic:

Yes, I will do a deep dive of each page of Lost Planet's manual.

The manual of Lost Planet is mildly interesting, not the fact that we have a manual with pages, but for the fact that it’s in color. I also have a boxed copy of Colonies Edition, and for giggles briefly looked at that. It’s in black and white! Crazy, isn’t it? Maybe that can be a piece of trivia you can have for your weekly Lost Planet trivia game nights you host on Discord.

Let’s start things off with even more trivia you can add! So the cover of the manual is just the cover of the normal box art, but tinted blue. This is actually the artwork used for the limited edition of the game. I actually knew this but it was one of those things locked inside your brain for years. I saw this at a Best Buy when the game came out, thought nothing of it until just now when I saw the manual. Front and back of the manual is just the front and back of the steelbook case used.

I hope I don’t casually find the bonus disc of that game and dissect it, that would be something of a tangent later, wouldn’t it?

Actually tangent within a tangent. I did some perusing on this limited edition on the internet and found some quite puzzling and amusing tidbits.

Here’s the weirdest one: there was an exclusive multiplayer map for the limited edition. I may have mentioned earlier that Colonies Edition and vanilla split the player base? Can you imagine this, however small, further splitting up the player base with this map? What on Earth was the thought process for that? Why did Capcom think this was a good idea? How many other limited edition games did something equally as moronic.

Either way, I am loving this as a 20-something year post mortem. I am trying to find details on this map, and I stumbled across the “LOST PLANET Multiplayer Maps #1!” along with two other map packs similarly titled with exclamation point included. All of which are delisted on the 360 store. This wasn’t listed when I listed the Xbox Live Marketplace items, but was visible when looking at the Xbox website.

Digging deeper into this, I found the limited edition map, it was called Battlegrounds. This was given away for free on June 7th, 2007 almost 6 months after the game’s launch. I am quite curious how such a move would fly in today’s gaming landscape. Capcom around this time was quite…exceptional with their DLC practices. I for one remember Resident Evil 5’s Mercenaries Mode being on disc yet costing money to unlock.

Also, each map pack that was released cost 400 space bucks or $5. With two of the packs containing two levels and the third pack containing three, one of which was an 8-bit reimagining.

Wow, tangents within tangents? I mean, if you made it this far, all hope has already been abandoned.

Anyway, what else is in the limited edition? Well, we have an exclusive art book and CD that contains, and I quote, “soundtrack, trailers, wallpapers, and more”. Curious what resolution those wallpapers are. I somehow doubt they won’t match a 1440p monitor, maybe 1080p? I can only hope. Also, what’s the “and more”?

In my journey to find the contents of this disc, as sadly I don’t have the disc nor a disc drive for my PC, I saw the soundtrack! Why mention that? It is so…short. The longest track is only 4 minutes and 35 seconds. Most of them are barely two minutes long. What kind of half-assed soundtrack is that? Are there any fans, like legit fans of this soundtrack? What I have heard thus far is mediocre Hollywood slop. Maybe there’s a banger.

I tried searching up and down for the contents of this disc without resorting to buying it and a disc drive to figure out the “and more”. I had no other course of action, but I left a comment on a 15 year old unboxing video with a little more than 2000 views asking the poster if he can list the contents. If I ever get a reply, I will be sure to add an addendum to this writing.

Where were we? Oh, yes, the manual! Look at me, saying we would talk about it and just at the cover I got sidetracked. I will try to minimize that going forward.

But looking on the back, I see a website, www.lostplanetcommunity.com …what on E.D.N. III is this? Putting this into my web browser gives me an unsecure website, (good sign!) that has “OK” in text. That’s it. Nothing else. Even checking the HTML shows just OK in between the body tags. How ominous.

But the journey does not simply end there. The Internet Archive hasn’t been destroyed yet, and looking at archives of the website from January show a basic promotional site from Capcom…or it seems like it’s from Capcom. I am a bit weirded out by adding community to the URL, but hey, maybe it’s just a quirky Japanese thing and I am thinking too deep into this.

Going through the archived site is a mixed bag, the forum doesn’t work, but at least I can snag a 1920X1200 resolution wallpaper for three out of the four available wallpapers! But I stumbled across a section called “Blog”.

In my naivety, I thought this would be nonsense published by Capcom, but it turns out this is not just nonsense published by Capcom, but a fellow by the name of Brian Dunn publishing it in proxy!

But not all of the articles are shilling, there’s one article that teaches me various forms of curse words in Japanese. Now that was unexpected! If I was learning Japanese, I would be sure to share that with all my Japanese pals.

Whatever happened to Brian Dunn? He has a LinkedIn page, but alas I don’t have one. It shows him with proficiency in Japanese and English and mentions video games, so this has to be our guy. He seems to be living his best life sharing game-related stories on one of the most vapid and fake social media platforms in the modern age. Makes me wonder if he actually believes what he is sharing. Is it all a charade? To make the right people happy to further his own goals?

Brian, if you ever read this, I would love to know who won that Lost Planet swag contest. The fact I had to be one of the first ten people to beat the game, get every medal in ranked play, complete 100 matches, and then comment to you with images of my achievements is quite the task. If there’s a spot open, do you think I can still enter?

Also, I found your phrasing slightly confusing, you have it listed as “A ) Beat the game on any difficulty level B ) Play 100 Ranked matches online C ) Get a medal in each game type in Ranked matches online”

Does this mean I have to do one or all three? It was never specified in the post.

Actually, I found the archive of the forum post for it, and it has over 35 pages of replies, which is crazy to me! However, the most important element of note was the “APPROXIMATE RETAIL VALUE (ARV)” of the prizes. $5 for the poster and $15 for the shirt! Signed! Boy, all the legal mumbo jumbo for a silly prize is a bit ridiculous. Someone in the legal department definitely had their work cut out for them.

But anyway, that’s a little bit of what I found from the www.lostplanetcommunity.com link I found on the back cover of the manual. Didn’t have that on your bingo card for this review, I bet.

So after about a thousand words talking about the front and back cover of the manual and how they are…somewhat related to the game, we can finally open the manual and see the very first page.

Page 1. Of course the most fitting way to start things off is a legal warning about Photosensitive Seizures. I am very curious if there actually is a rule or law explicitly telling games that somewhere in their game, there needs to be a long, explicit warning label on how video games WILL kill you. You would think that if a game made you shake and convulse on the floor like an insane person, that would be the sign of a good game, right?

Page 2. Now we’re talking. A manual that’s in color?! Talk about indulgence! What’s this page you ask? It’s the table of contents. You see a manual with over 30 pages, a gamer can get lost, and the best way to get him back on track is with a table of contents. Looking through this shows to me that I am already quite familiar with the topics at hand. Don’t worry, you will be too.

Page 3. Confusingly enough, this is considered the 2nd page in the manual. I guess Photosensitivity Seizure warnings aren’t real pages! But I will eschew from the norm and call it a page.

This page shows a tone setting piece saying “You are about to embark on a journey to a new frontier of snow and ice…” but does so in a very hard to read font. So the art shown is the typical snowy setting with a white/blue-ish background. The font used for the text is weird. It’s a dual color font, the top half being white where the bottom half is a reddish/orange color. You would think this would contrast nicely, but the top half blends into the image and thus makes it hard to read.

The image used, however, is quite quaint. It reminds me of a diorama.

Page 4. This page shows you how to use the power of the information superhighway to connect to Xbox Live. Curiously, I have to meticulously connect my modem to my router and have my router connected to both my PC and my Xbox 360 console. I am not sure why my PC is involved, but I guess he’s now part of the journey.

To top off the page, it gives an explanation on how to enable family features on our Xbox. If you were too dumb to ignore the ESRB rating, here’s something you have to go out of your way to implement!

Page 5 and Page 6 are a double-sided prologue explanation. Finally some lore I can read and digest on my own terms! We’re gonna analyze this, so buckle up, buttercups.

Humanity left…what I assume is Earth in the year -80 TC. Yes, negative 80. Which is 80 years before the Trial Century. What is a Trial Century? Well, I know what a century is and trial is in isolation. Together? Well, perhaps they will explain it!

It further explains how humanity colonized E.D.N. III, also curious what that means, and all was well until it wasn’t! Akrid came, ruined a few birthday parties, the humans in the vanity didn’t bring guns, so an age of darkness fell upon them.

While caught with their tail between their legs, somehow humanity realized that in each Akrid, there’s a supply of Saudi Oil buried in their brow. With this stunning revelation, this kickstarted the desire for humankind to fight back.

Humans created mechs, but we wanted to be unique and call them Vital Suits, or VS. Finally, I paid attention this time to what VS meant! Using the power of the military industrial complex, humanity started to recolonize E.D.N III…Were there other E.D.N colonies? Oh, boy, you think that prequel, Lost Planet 3 will describe that? Maybe we can even figure out what this mysterious acronym is.

So, that basically described Page 5. Now, Page 6 on the other hand makes a pretty interesting jump. It says those who stayed at the birthday party after most have left became Snow Pirates.

Then a group of Snow Pirates find some poor sod frozen stiff inside a VS, wait…that’s us! Well, Wayne. This finally explains the memory loss shenanigans. So Wayne apparently only remembers two things: His name, which I assume is due to him writing it down on his undies. And that his father was crushed like a bug by that big Green Eye Akrid. Odd how you lost your memories and that’s the only thing you remember. I assume the manual didn’t go into granular detail like if he forgot how to tie his shoes or the many years of toilet training went down the drain from the amnesia.

Wayne has this amazing suggestion that if he kills the big Greenie, he can get his memories back. Logically, I don’t think that’s how it works. So why don’t I just retcon this internally and make it about revenge. That seems more appropriate considering it killed you dad, eh?

Ominously, the last sentence says that Wayne’s past and his future on this planet are linked. Remember that incomprehensible cutscene where I alluded to some sort of conspiracy? Maybe the planet really isn’t lost after all?

Pages 7 and 8 are another glorious two page spread showing a picture of the Xbox 360 Controller and list of inputs. I find the image of the controller used, as it’s telling me what the X button is, which is the X button. Same for the other buttons. I guess they want to make sure even the dullest tool in the shed can pick up and play Lost Planet. I am not sure what that implies from Capcom’s end, but I remain optimistic!

Below the confounding controller picture, we have the layout for the inputs for Control Pattern A for both the Human and VS controls. To respect your time, and mine (looks at word count), I will skip that. But isn’t it cool that we now know the Start button is in fact the Start button?

Page 9, which is also called Page 8 in the manual, but I digress, is the Main Menu page. This lists off every option in the Main Menu, but not in the painstaking detail that I have recorded for posterity.

Oddly enough, it lists off Game Over and what happens when you reach zero for your Life Gauge. But I guess it’s tangentially related as it shows options when you get a Game Over: RETRY, RESTART, and QUIT. All of which does what you expect. But RETRY, says that you start over from a waypoint. Is this a world before checkpoints became mainstream?

Page 10 is the Game Screen page. I think they mean, HUD, which I already went through. But I did miss out on several key points:

The radar, which is stylized as RADAR, is active only when you are in range of an active data post.

The weapon you have equipped, on the bottom right-hand screen, which is called RIGHT TRIGGER WEAPON in the manual. When you have another weapon, another icon appears and is called RIGHT TRIGGER SECONDARY WEAPON. The game really needs to cool it with the caps, I get the impression some angry Salaryman is yelling at me.

Lastly, and this was so foolish of me to miss this: the player, or rather PLAYER. This is you. I usually assume some level of intelligence from the reader, but I guess Capcom doesn’t make said assumptions.

Page 11 is the Basic Controls: Movement page and there’s some pretty interesting insights as well as some painfully obvious ones. I completely forgot that clicking the stick allows your character to crawl. I wonder if they mean to crouch or perhaps even go prone? I hope to test this in ten years when we start the second mission.

But there’s actions that so far have never been told to me at all. Clicking the Left Stick and moving it in a certain direction while pressing A allows for an EVADE (ROLL). Clicking while moving the stick in the direction along with A seems so clumsy. Will have to test it out myself.

The X button, commonly called the X button is used for your ANCHOR. It says that we can combine this with “various other buttons” to “reach inaccessible areas and execute Special Attacks”. So does that mean we can grapple on Akrid or maybe even jump and use our Anchor at the same time?! I hope this doesn’t turn out to be lame. Sadly, it cock blocks us from knowing until Page 13, which is Page 14 for us.

Finally, there’s a little segment on quick turns which elaborate what they do for each controller pattern. Pattern B is very curious. Clicking the Right Stick while moving it in the direction to quick turn seems…backwards. Why not just allow me to move faster? I find this a bit ironic that Capcom seems to have issues with third-person shooting controls after making Resident Evil 4 two years prior.

Oh, what were the painfully obvious Basic Controls for Movement? Well, fun fact: you can move your character with the Left Stick.

Page 12 bestows us the sequel to Basic Controls: Movement, with Basic Controls: Combat. This has your basic controls for combat that I gloriously went over about ten thousand words ago. One minor detail of note, is for the ZOOM, they call that first-person mode I described as the Scope Screen. Has a fancy title with capitalization, so you knew Capcom cooked with this.

Pages 13 and 14, conclude the trilogy of Basic Controls with Basic Controls: Action Button. Who knew a single button would get so much screen time? Page 13 starts with educating on the actions the Action Button allows us to perform various actions all with a single button! Those actions are: PICK UP, ENTER ACTIVATE, ATTACH, and REMOVE.

Remember when I got frustrated when trying to ATTACH a weapon to my VS and instead performed the opposite of the ENTER command? Well, this little action button is the culprit!

Curiously, topping off Page 13, it has a short paragraph telling me that normal weapons and VS weapons are found on the map and to use them to match the enemy’s weaknesses. How…hmm, pointless? Like this feels like the GamePro tip: shoot it until it dies meme but half baked.

Page 14 is the big Endgame-style conclusion. This is where we find out what the supposed Anchor secrets are. What inaccessible areas, what Special Attacks can we do? Let’s find out!

Okay, most of the page talked about how it worked. Its basic function…so was that the inaccessible areas thing it mentioned? So much build up and hype…all for nothing! Well, what about the Special Attacks?

Anchor Shot is this special attack. If you Anchor an Akrid or wall and press either LT or RT before landing, an attack will happen. It mentions that there will be an appropriate attack for the target. So does that mean that Mr. DNA and Rolly Polly Olly would have a different attack animation if I did the Anchor Shot on them?

Before we finish the trilogy, I want to mention, the image used shows a character, maybe Wayne, maybe a generic Snow Pirate on a VS. So maybe you can do that to VS as well, not just Akrid and villainous walls?

Page 15 is Aiming & Camera View. Maybe I can finally get some details on that possible FOV slider I speculated earlier?

Well, before we do that, we have to see what Aiming Style does. I gave a long, pseudointellectual spiel about how I think they work, but the manual will explain EVERYTHING better than I could.

ACCELERATE does what I thought it did, the further you push the stick down the faster the reticule moves.

FIXED is…surprisingly straightforward. The reticule is fixed on the screen. It doesn’t move around like it would in the other settings. Doesn’t mention speed being linear, but it certainly felt so.

CRUISE is …linear? Huh, the manual states that the speed is the same no matter how far you press the stick. CRUISE…like…cruise control in a car? Is that the naming inspiration?

In short, I was pretty wrong! Shows what I know. You can feel free to direct all hatred towards me for this gross observation.

Well, what about the Camera View? Can I redeem myself there? Well, weary gamer, if you made it this far, why not find out with me?

NORMAL changes the viewpoint depending on the situation…As to what situation, I have no idea, but don’t question it, just trust the process.

ZOOM is straightforward, it…well, zooms into the character. I cannot picture this being useful in any capacity and I deeply question the purpose of its inclusion.

WIDE is the camera always being zoomed out from the player. Which…still doesn’t really explain things. So far, NORMAL and WIDE are…the same? Will there be cinematic moments you can do like in Gears of War later in the game? God, I hope not!

If anything, I think I earned back all credibility I lost in the prior paragraphs. If you wish to send an apology after sending me some hate, please feel free to use the same avenues you contacted me with.

Page 16 is the Thermal Energy [T-ENG] page and it starts things off with a bang! The manual tells us that this new form of energy replaces fossil fuels. Instead of using dinosaurs that have been dead for millions of years, we use living creatures and harvest their entrails! What a flex by the colonists of E.D.N. III and I commend them for it.

It further goes into detail the basics of T-ENG that we learned by defeating one of those text boxes during the first mission but with some extra tidbits. Did you know when your T-ENG is below 100, you cannot move a VS? Or how about when it reaches 0, you need to exit one? I guess T-ENG is kinda like paying for cab fare. Can’t pay? Hit the bricks, pal!

How do we get T-ENG? Well, fortunately, the manual restates what I describe like: defeating an Akrid, destroy a tank or drum, activating a data post…but the last one, I will have to push back a bit. What on E.D.N. III is “…and many other actions.” Is this some invitation to go off the beaten path and learn on my own? If I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t be reading the manual!

To top off this page, it discusses the Harmonizer, which is basically our health regen system. Interesting they added that mechanic as a piece of lore, but yet I still don’t know what E.D.N III is or what happened to the other E.D.N. colonies!

Page 17, which is page 16 in the manual, if you somehow forgot, is the Vital Suits [VS] page. This page teaches you for half a page that walking up to a VS and pressing the B button will allow you to ENTER and use said VS.

The only thing of note, is when your VS reaches zero Life Gauge, you will be prompted to rapidly press B to do the opposite of ENTER. If you fail the button mashing sequence, you will die.

I am still a bit salty about leaving the VS instead of using ATTACH during that boss fight in Mission 01.

Page 18 looks to be a good opportunity to learn more about the lore of Lost Planet. I assume it was lost and is now E.D.N. III…wait, why is this game called Lost Planet? Did MGM still own Forbidden Planet?

Oh, uh, this page is the VS Details & Controls page. It goes over the VS mech things we use in the game.

First up is the beefy GTT-01. This classic VS was introduced early in colony life. It has the ability to ATTACH up to two weapons. That’s right, one on each arm! Sadly, this has gotten out of style in favor of the GTF-11, but hold your horses, we will get there soon enough.

You may be asking yourself, “Wow, this GTT-01 is quite neat-o, are there any Special Function?” Special Function? None for the GTT-01. No SLIDING DASH or chainsaw arms for this. You might have to look at the higher trims for that package.

Next up is the luxurious, single-seater GTF-11. This puppy specializes in zero gravity environments which is why a HOVER functionality is added with the base models. Why have a zero-g VS on a planet that is supposedly lost? Well, why drive a sports car to work if a standard sedan does the job just as well? It’s all about preference.

If you purchase the SD package, it comes with an advanced SLIDING DASH feature for your convenience. HOVER AND SLIDING DASH? No need to yell, as my ears are already bleeding with excitement!

Last up we have the recent military-turned-civilian model, the GTB-22. This sucker can’t fly like our luxury brand, but boy can it run? If life is making you run from your problems, why not do it in style? Because of its leggy frame, it allows for not one jump, but that’s right a DOUBLE JUMP. If you think that’s crazy, we’re not even close to being done. There’s a special LONG JUMP.

How does the LONG JUMP work, simple! Take your Xbox 360 controller, look carefully for the Y button. If you cannot find it, it is the button with the letter ‘Y’ on it. Press it. It will hurl your ass around the sun and back. Press it again to cancel it.

But we have one more special trim for this amazing GTB-22. Remember those problems we talked about? Why not give yourself a headstart when you start running with a SMOKE SCREEN. This Special Attack allows you to get the edge you need to run away from any of your issues. Simply press the X button and you’re on your way…or more like away!

Page 19 takes us back to the year 2004 with the Personal Data Assistant [PDA] page! Not much to say that I haven’t already covered.

Although, I have a bone to pick with the description of the MISSION DETAILS tab saying it has access to: Maps, Mission Objective, Secondary Objective, …and more! What is this “…and more!” business? Why am I seeing this repeat in the manual but also in the Limited Edition packaging as well? Is there really more? Should I keep notice of this and see if there is truly “…and more!” in this PDA in the MISSION DETAILS tab?

I am wary of you, manual. Your spells aren’t working on me.

Page 20 tells us all there is to know about the Data Post, which I guess isn’t much as two-thirds of the page tells us about the Radar and the Target Mark.

Fortunately, the only thing about the Data Post is what I covered, and not to toot my own horn, I covered a bit more than pressing the B button fast and you get more T-ENG.

Radar does exactly what I described earlier, but it gives us handy icons and what they do.

The Green square with a hole in the middle is the Human, of course! Green means good, after all.

Red circle with hole in the middle is…can you guess? Akrid! I am so proud of you.

Upside down blue triangle with hole in the middle is for VS. Very subversive with the upside down nature of the triangle.

Yellow…uh rook shape object with no hole in the middle is the Data Post!

Last Icon is, I guess an orange chevron with a smaller triangle below it, again with no holes in either is the Next Data Post icon!

Wouldn’t it suck if there was no visuals and you had to rely entirely on my description to know this?

To top off the Data Post page, we of course discuss the Target Mark. These are those little collectibles that you shoot that may or may not spell out a secret word. Is there an ARG hidden deep below Lost Planet and these Target Marks are the cypher? What if they were and hidden just until now when this project came along obsessively going over each item in Lost Planet?

Moving away from rampant speculation leads us to page 21, the Saving & Loading Game Data page! Unironically, out of all the copies this game has sold on all versions. Do you really think a single person who bought this game, actually read and analyzed this page in particular?

If they did, then they would know information that was only described in this page such as you only have one save file per account or per storage device. So the game actually recommends that if you do want to use another save file, use a different storage device…or screw it, make a new account. I love how pompous and ridiculous that advice is.

At the bottom of this page is an image of an abandoned city block. Rotting buildings. Forgotten homes. Dreams lived and died after a point in time. One of the buildings in this image in the Saving & Loading Game Data page had “Grapes 1L $5” followed by text that was too hard to parse. What is 1L? Was it 1lb and the artists at Capcom had no idea the pounds are named after the Latin word, “libra”? Did they assume that this forgotten, abandoned planet was colonized by Americans? As last I checked we use the dollar sign.

Also, how could they get grapes if the temperature is so low? So many lore ramifications racing in my head coalescing into one. Maybe there is an answer. Maybe the Target Marks are the key. I am convinced.

The Target Marks have to mean SOMETHING. They surely can’t be just mere collectibles. Why do they have letters? Why are they hidden? It means something. Maybe it’s tied to the grapes, maybe not. But there’s something fishy here.

Page 22 might be the least insightful page as it’s the Game Settings page. Remember how I went through all of that and even every iteration of controller configurations? Well, this page is a truncated version of that.

Making up for the sheer disappointment of page 22, page 23 gives us more opportunities with lore with the Right Trigger Weapons page!

Dare say, do I find the weapons page to be the most lore heavy segment in all of Lost Planet? I say all, when I mean all of Mission 01 and the manual up to this point. It lists off the main weapons and goes into surprising detail with them…well, surprising for what this game has shown thus far.

MACHINE GUN. Now that’s a generic name. If you ever had the most boring name of a gun, this sucker would be it. But did you know it has a bullpup design and fires 5.56mm rounds? I bet you are all the wiser for that. This description is far more detailed than the name implies. Why not just come up with a cool, in universe name for this gun? Is it to assume that gamers are paste-eating dorks and can’t figure out what weapons do? Let’s press on!

RIFLE. You can see a trend, eh? This semi-automatic fires 7.62 ammunition. Notice how I said “5.56mm” just a paragraph ago? I used the exact phrasing then and am using exact phrasing now for the RIFLE’s ammunition type. What size is the 7.62 ammunition? Meters? Kilometers? I am a paste-eating dork, Capcom. I don’t know this.

Curiously, it mentions that this gun has a scope, which allows us to target distant enemies with the Rifle. So we fluctuate from being opaque to being too detailed with what the Rifle does.

SHOTGUN. One of the few weapons that are worthy of all caps is packed with a snub barrel and detachable stock. So much lore in something with such a boring name. But what I find quite amusing is the idea that even the writers of this manual seem to be fans of the SHOTGUN. “Its destructive force at close range is awesome.” That it is, manual writer guy. That it is.

I wonder if this manual has a credits page. I want to look this up and try to find the individual behind it.

ROCKET LAUNCHER is also one of the weapons that is worthy of the all caps moniker. No bizarre lore drops about its firing systems or cost of launching the rocket here. Just a barebones basic description of what it does and how long the reload time is. How long did I guess it to be? Around three seconds? It’s hard to check as this document is already longer than a novella.

ENERGY GUN. There’s that weird, unconventional gun. Fortunately, the flavor text is back for a brief spell, telling us that humanity abandoned the gunpowder-based weapons of old…wait, that’s just a bold-faced lie. What on E.D.N. IV were the other weapons we discussed? Y’know I used those a lot more than I used you, Mr. ENERGY GUN.

It makes mention that the gun fires beams of compressed Thermal Energy, but doesn’t actually tell me directly that when firing it will take away from my Thermal Energy reserves. You’d think with a manual that tells me where the Y button is on my controller would tell me that detail directly.

PLASMA GUN. Still in the realm of science fiction for our science fiction game, eh? Well this sucker sadly doesn’t have any lore information we can grasp on, but it tells us that it functions similarly to the RIFLE, but more powerful and with a longer reload time.

This makes zero mention if this uses Thermal Energy or not. Oh boy, can you imagine if it did and the manual just seemed to gloss over that detail? That would be rather unfortunate!

Overall, I was pretty surprised by the level of detail put into some of these weapon descriptions. Are you? No? Well, I suppose my bar was lowered somewhere around the Anchor Shot disappointment. Inaccessible areas, my right testicle.

Page 24 brings us to the other side with the Left Trigger Weapons. Wanna know what triggers the left? Apparently grenades do and boy, we have a few to go through.

Wow, an entire journey through the game’s manual? If you read through it all, you would of course know I am testing the “fake fans” out there. We’re not done! Still have more of the manual to see. The journey continues next time!

Remember the sacrifices of Brian Dunn, everyone!

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