I already have over 100 hours between preply and italki 
Thank you. 
I use Bunpro a lot (obviously). I read manga and watch anime with Japanese subtitles. My comprehension is decent. I write a lot. I love love love kanji. My kanji level is somewhere in the realm of N2. Speaking is really my only downfall.
This is the most frustrating part with having a Japanese partner, you feel like you should be better at your japanese, but they basically have to decode everything you’re saying.
My wife told me “I almost understand what you’re saying” but then being Japanese, she doesn’t criticize or fix what I’m messing up. lol It’s especially bad when I ask “Why other people can’t understand what I am saying” when she is also listening, and she can’t/won’t answer. lol But it is something you’ll just have to live with that bit of “Why am I messing up/how am I messing up?” and go on with your day.
I feel bad because my girlfriend’s English is so much better so our conversations end up being 90% English, 10% Japanese. When we message each other it’s more like 60% Japanese, 40% English. When it comes to a relationship I always feel it’s better to be fully understood so of course English is the easy option.
I wish I had a good answer to OP’s question - I usually just go to bars and practice with the owners/customers. I’ve signed back up for lessons on iTalki because I feel like speaking and listening is such a hurdle.
Just only reply in japanese if she doesn’t understand try to explain in Japanglish. lol
Worth a try, right?
Oh I do! Sometimes what comes out makes her giggle but it’s usually understood.
Other times the entirely wrong thing comes out for no reason. Recently when I was at a nomikai with new colleagues, I meant to say “someoneyoudontknowと申します” but what came out was “someoneyoudontknowと思います” (I was admittedly a little drunk and not expecting to have to a speech).
I’ve been learning for how long and I still make mistakes that make me want to shrivel up in a corner from embarrassment.
I did that exact same mistake too, except i was stone cold sober, calling a college to ask about Japanese classes. I think I made it clear I needed them, to say the least.
What I ment to ask was, what do you do on Japan. Work? School? Like how is your social life, since that is also important just like a a human. Because to live her for 2 years and still be afraid to speak or clamming up, to me, sounds wildin. Everyone is my different in that regard though too.
At the end of the day, are you aware of WHY you can’t speak? Like if you’re nervous, why? Can’t remember the words, the order ect. There is bound to be a reason, and once you find that, then it can be addressed.
Like, when you go to a restaurant or Cafe and have to order, do you struggle there? Surely you have someone around you that CAN speak both a language you understand and japanese.
Maybe try using an alternative voice, one that you perceive is confident and doesn’t care about mistakes. New language who dis
I definitely recommend those communities once you feel more comfortable speaking, but maybe messaging with voice messages could help you get used to speaking first?
I used to use HelloTalk like 5 or 6 years ago, and back then, I communicated with my language partners through voice messages. You can re-record as many times as you want, and it doesn’t feel as intimidating as talking to someone face-to-face. 
I work here. My social life hasn’t suffered at all. I am a person with tons of hobbies (sports, instruments, studying, etc.). Until now, I have been able to get away with speaking English. I have some Japanese friends that speak English, and the ones that don’t can understand it enough so I can speak English while they speak Japanese.
When I go to restaurants, I do struggle. That being said, I don’t like going out often. I would say I actively avoid it. This is not limited to Japan though.
As for the reason, I haven’t been able to pinpoint it. I genuinely just think it’s performance anxiety. Even if I’ve learned something 100 times, when it comes time to say it I just can’t.
Since Hello Talk often gets recommended, I took the plunge and started to lurk in voice and live channels there. Haven’t spoken yet, but just listening to actual Japanese people chatting with each other is really helpful. BUT what I find very intimidating is all the people rating themselves like 2/5 in jp language and when they start talking, there’s no stutter, no loss for words, they are using long sentences etc. I’ve been asked to come speak, but I’m so shy and selfconscious about my lack of actual speaking skills 
- My reading is best, writing, listening and speaking are similar levels
- I go to Japanese class at the community center. I speak Japanese with my Japanese friends. At the class at the community center, most of the students
- I can’t put my finger on it. I came to Japan after finishing Genki 1&2 in college which helped. After 2 months in Japan I noticed I had a “Japanese voice”
- starting easy. どんな食べ物が好きですか？天ぷらが好きです。どんな季節が好きですか？秋が好きです。紅葉よくて天気ちょうどいいですから。tho I’d probably mess- up the よくて
I do recomend checking if your community center has Japanese class. They cost 100円 an hour. Try talking to team members in Japanese. Your goal isn’t perfect- it’s communication. if They can understand you- you win!
To get started, I have heard some people say that reading aloud is helpful (I have not tried this yet!). So if you already have good reading materials at a reasonable level for you, you could try those. I think the idea is to just more time actually speaking and without the added stresses of being around people or even thinking up what to say.
If your reading materials come with native recordings, then of course you can listen for intonation patterns and so on, then try to mimic. As others have said, you could record yourself and listen for areas to improve.
But again, I think the important point is to “loosen the tongue”.
I have always liked the advice in this video as it is based on practical experience and isn’t theoretical. I’ll explain a tiny bit in case the Japanese is too tricky without context: He is a famous pro baseball player who had some basic level of English comprehension but couldn’t speak. As he seems to have learnt just by trial and error and building a positive feedback loop he has avoided a perfectionist attitude which can get in the way of learning to speak. Getting more speaking time in is important and just input won’t take you all the way. He also emphasises the importance of pronunciation although that’s less relevant for this thread.
I feel slightly dumb, because I can’t tell the difference
Thanks for recommending Japanese with Kanako on youtube. It’s great reinforcement as I go through Genki 2 with a sensei, Tokini Andy’s youtube and Bunpro. Definitely fills the gap with speaking and listening.
I don’t think there’s really any secret. If you want to improve in one area (speaking for instance), make yourself do it everyday.
For social anxiety, I think of it like exercise. It sucks sometimes, but gets easier if you push through.
I’m in the same boat of having good kanji and grammar knowledge but lacking in listening and speaking skill. So I’ve changed my routine so that I do my listening and speaking practice first thing, before worrying about my SRSs.
Don’t forget where the bar is for foreigners speaking Japanese. It’s pretty low. It’s not a global language like English, so even just having a few words is impressive.