Hi all.
Recently when I’ve been bored, I’ve been asking AI to go mad with over-stacking keigo and conversely, go madly rude with everyday Japanese sentences that I send it.
Maybe it’s just me, but the AI has genuinely made me laugh out loud on a fair few occasions, so please give it a go. There is no limit to how much you can ask the AI to over-stack and go completely and utterly ridiculous.
Bear in mind, this is actually grammatically correct, but the idea of anyone ever using it is so laughably ridiculous. Do NOT try this at work. You WILL get fired!
Anyway, I thought it was funny, and I’d like to see others’ attempts, so give it a go if you want. 
And with that, let’s go…
The original and slightly boring e-mail I wrote
文先生
おつかれさまです。マシューです。
お知らせですが、明日の午前中はお休みをいただきます。午後から出勤いたします。
よろしくお願いいたします。
マシュー
Super mega OTT keigo version that would make the Emperor faint
文先生様
平素より常日頃から、私の如き者に対しまして格別なるご厚誼とご高配を賜っておりますこと、筆舌に尽くし難き深甚なる感謝の念を日々禁じ得ず、ただただ恐縮の極みにございます。心より厚く、御礼申し上げ奉ります。
さて、甚だ僭越ながら、私、マシューこと、英語科の末席を汚させていただいております不才・不徳・無能・無力の徒にございますが、本日は、些末ながらも明日の勤務予定に関する一件につきまして、謹んでご報告を申し上げたく、汗顔の至りながら、このようにご連絡差し上げさせていただいております次第にございます。
誠に勝手ながら、万障お繰り合わせいただく中、大変心苦しくはございますが、明日、かかる午前中の時間帯につきましては、やむを得ぬ事情により、厚かましくもご配慮を賜りつつ、謹んでお休みを頂戴させていただけますと、これ以上ない光栄に存じ奉ります。
なお、午後の部に関しましては、何卒ご安心賜りたく、万全なる体制を以って誠心誠意、全身全霊、鋭意尽力しつつ出勤させていただく所存にございますゆえ、誠に恐縮ながら、引き続きご高配を賜りますよう、平伏の姿勢にて、お願い申し上げ奉ります。
加えまして、このようなご多忙を極められる折に、私の如き末端教員よりの拙文にお目通しいただくお手間をお掛けいたしますこと、筆舌に尽くし難いほどの忝さと共に、恐縮に次ぐ恐縮、身の置き所もなく、ただただ恐縮に打ち震える次第でございます。
結びに、文先生様のご健勝とご清祥、並びに御家庭のご安寧と学級運営のさらなるご発展を、天地神明に誓いまして祈念申し上げ奉り、厚顔無恥ながらこの場をお借りして謹んで御礼申し上げますと共に、今後ともご叱責とご指導の程、何卒よろしくお願い申し上げ上げ奉ります。
かしこみかしこみ申し上げ奉り候。
英語科 末席教員
マシュー謹言
English version (not that English actually exists for this level of madness)
To the Esteemed Professor Fumi,
First and foremost, I humbly offer my deepest and most profound gratitude for the extraordinary kindness, benevolence, and gracious consideration that Your Honour bestows upon a person as lowly and unworthy as myself on a daily basis. I find myself utterly incapable of expressing my appreciation in words, and can only bow my head in awe and reverence.
Now then, though it is most presumptuous of me, I, Matthew — who has the audacity to sully the humble ranks of the English Department despite my utter lack of talent, virtue, capability, and worth — find myself taking up my pen (or rather, smartphone) to make a modest and wholly insufficient report concerning tomorrow’s work schedule, in the deepest humility and with trembling hands.
It is with unspeakable regret and unbearable shame that I must now burden you with the following selfish request: tomorrow morning, I beg to be permitted — under the compassionate shadow of your magnanimity — to take a leave of absence due to unavoidable circumstances beyond my mortal control.
Please rest assured, however, that I fully intend to report to work in the afternoon with the utmost readiness, full spiritual commitment, unwavering diligence, and total bodily resolve. I prostrate myself in advance to humbly implore your kind understanding and continued divine favour in this matter.
Moreover, the fact that I must dare to request your precious attention at this most busy and burdensome time fills me with an ineffable and crushing sense of unworthiness. I am overwhelmed with shame, my soul buffeted by waves of remorse for troubling your exalted self with a letter so trifling and insignificant as this.
In closing, I humbly and earnestly pray — with all sincerity and before the heavens themselves — for your continued health, prosperity, and household peace, as well as the continued success and flourishing of your homeroom duties. I beg you once again, from the bottom of my wretched heart, to favour me with your strict guidance and merciful instruction in the days to come.
With deepest reverence and trembling humility, I remain,
English Department, Humble Bottom-Rung Teacher
Matthew (Most Humbly Submitted)
Disgustingly rude version
文。
おまえさ、こっちは人間なんだよ、知ってた？ロボットみたいに朝から晩まで働けるわけねぇだろ。
明日？は？午前中なんか絶対行かねぇよ。無理。無理無理無理。
てか午後も気分次第だし、別に俺いなくても回るだろ。そもそもあんたの授業、誰も集中してねぇし。
いちいち連絡してやってんのありがたく思えよ。
文句あるなら直接言いに来いや。
マシュー様より
Vague English translation
Fumi.
You do realise I’m a human being, yeah? Not some bloody robot who can work from morning to night nonstop.
Tomorrow? Ha. There’s no way in hell I’m coming in during the morning. Not happening. Absolutely not.
Afternoon? Maybe. Depends if I can be bothered. Honestly, the place runs fine without me — better, even.
And your lessons? No one’s paying attention anyway.
You should be grateful I’m even bothering to send this message.
Got a problem? Say it to my face.
With deepest scorn,
The One and Only Matthew