Was on the lookout for a reception desk while lost in Narita Airport, so I flagged down an official looking member of staff that was passing by. However, I ended up asking them where the 吸血鬼（きゅうけつき）was instead of the 受付（うけつけ） 
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This isn’t a mistake but if you look up the word 聖水 which is holy water, it’s used by fetishists as a term for urine. So now if I see the word whilst reading all I can think of is the second meaning and the scene becomes funny instead of serious.
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I instantly remembered all 3 pieces of keigo I knew at the time and commenced seppuku to restore my honour despite the girl being chill and understanding.
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I don’t think you did it right…
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But I followed the youtube video created by a high pitched 13 year old from San Francisco perfectly.
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When I very first came to Japan I asked a guy in a conbini if he was singing shampoo instead of selling it…
シャンプーを歌っていますか。
instead of
シャンプーを売っていますか。
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Oh yeah and there was another one where I said to a teacher 助詞はめんどくさいですね。But of course 女子 is a homonym and my deputy head teacher overheard and she said 日本語だからわかってるよ！
Of course, 助詞 is a linguistics term so many Japanese people don’t even know what it means.
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During a japanese class a friend wanted to tell us he had lost his wallet ‘財布（さいふ）を落としました’ but he said ‘政府（せいふ）を落としました’ (i overthrown the government). And we were all in awe thinking ‘you did it alone! Impressive!’.
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Back when I was in a primary school:
Student: マシュー、俺の誕生日わかる？
Me: 11月11日でしょ？
Student: それは日本で何の日ってわかる？
Me: わからん
Student: ポッキーの日だよ！
Me: (I’d misheard him) ボッキってどういう意味?
…I had no idea while he was laughing so hysterically… until I googled it…
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These are so great; I’m taking notes to try to avoid these in the future XD
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I went to Tokyo with my (non-Japanese-speaking) friend in late 2019. We’d already been a year prior, but this time my friend was way less nervous and way more keen on learning a bit of the language. Among other things, I taught him これ so he could feel a bit more confident when just pointing at restaurant menus. We were at McDonald’s and his pronunciation slipped a bit and he kept pointing at things on the menu and saying what sounded like 彼 instead (in fairness, his pronunciation was pretty great).
I just think it’s cute how the guy behind the counter was probably watching this foreigner enthusiastically pointing at burgers saying the English equivalent of ‘Him!, Him!, Him!’
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Accidently mixing up いっぱい and おっぱい .
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FEED ME HUMANS!!!
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Today was my proof that however fluent you get in Japanese, there will always be mega mistakes.
I can’t even remember what I said properly, but because today was my last 2nd grade class before the next school term, I got some nostalgic photos out from the last three years.
Anyway, somehow my whole office (plus a lot of my students) believed that it was my last day and that I was leaving. They were talking about what to do for my last day…
I was so embarrassed. For the record, I’m not planning on leaving any time soon. I love my students too much 
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I just remembered a good one. As many of you know I’m very fond of my izakaya culture and you’ll often find me in an izakaya. For those of you who don’t know, most izakayas will bring you a small plate of food when you first go in. This is as a sort of ‘service charge’ and you don’t usually get a choice over whether or not you receive it… usually about 300-400 yen. This is called お通し.
When I was in hospital a couple of years ago, I was asked every day about my お通じ, put politely, asking if have I been to the toilet for a number 2. I suppose it’s the Japanese equivalent of “have you passed a stool?”
Now obviously to Japanese people, these things are totally different concepts but for a Japanese learner, the same kanji is used and the words look ridiculously similar.
Yeah anyway after I got out of hospital I went to an izakaya and told them that their poo was delicious. Bye.
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This doesn’t fit in 100% with the topic but I didn’t want to create a new topic for this…
I’m just looking on Amazon for a birthday present for my friend who turns 1 later this month:
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(Sorry for dragging this threat up without having anything to add, but I had a bit of a rough day and scrolling though all of your posts really cheered me up, haven’t laughed this much in a while (sorry, neighbours). Thank you all for sharing your stories <3 )
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Ok, time to bring an old thread back to life for the mistake I made today.
So, I was relaxing at home watching TV with my partner, and out of nowhere she asks me…
Her - “ね、本当に暖奈（はるな）が特別なの？” (Do you really think I am special?)
Me - “うん、すどく特別なのよ！なんでそんな聞くの？” (Yes, Sudoku special. Why do you ask?)
She is probably still laughing at me as I type this 
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Just have to commit and add references to japanese games to your sentences like some sort of batman villain. 好きで将棋ない is the best I can manage.
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Yesterday I kept referring to 剥製 (はくせい) as ‘stuffed animals’, which is technically true, but I really meant plush toys, not taxidermy (縫いぐるみ was what I should have said).
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