@CrisH Hey! よく is the adjective 良い (いい) being changed to an adverb (良く) to mean “well” or “properly.” Cheers!
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Me again!
So I’ve been given this sentence:
このプレゼントをお父とうさんに わたしてあげて 。
I can’t tell why it’s あげる and not くれる. The favour is being done for the person speaking, isn’t it? So wouldn’t it be ‘towards them’, so to speak? Or is the favour being done for the お父さん?
Thanks,
Cris
Hey again!
It might be better to think of てくれる and てあげる as “for (someone)” or “with (someone) in mind” rather than “towards (someone).” This particular sentence’s nuance is “do this for your father” rather than “do this for me.”
てくれる is perfectly acceptable here, it just changes who you are doing the favor for or who you should be keeping in mind when you do the favor. You can even combine the two (わたしてあげてくれる) to make the request done for the speaker and the favor done for the receiver (the father in this case). Hope this helps! Cheers.
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That helps a lot, thanks 
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I was confused by being shown the answer このプレゼントをお父さんに わたしてあげて because I don’t remember ever having to answer “please _” in a casual form before now.
I went back to the lesson for it and realized that you can drop the ください part, but I wasn’t ever asked to give the casual form in an answer before getting here. I suppose that’s the case for various other casual forms as well, but I found this confusing.
By the way, why does pressing “a” to view alternate answers not work if you got the answer wrong?
@flowsnake Hey! The addition of “please” in the translation is just to guide you away from using the imperative. While the imperative and polite request forms are accepted, てあげて is the most natural in this context and it is the version that matches the audio.
We thought it better to draw focus to the “main” answer of a review sentence when answering incorrectly. Once you have gotten that answer down (by answering again later in your review session), only then will you be able to view alternatives. We may change how this system works in the future. Cheers!
That makes sense, I just thought it would be useful to have a review that forced you to use the informal form of request before this point, as I somehow missed that it existed.
Why is エレンさんがミカサさんに美うつくしい花はなを もってきてくれた wrong here? Surely both あげる and くれる are valid depending on the relationship of the participants, or am I missing something?
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Yes you’re right, but it would depend on the relationship of the participants to the speaker, and not to each other. Nice spot!
@francisdavey Thank you for drawing this to our attention. I have updated this review question to catch てくれた rather than mark you wrong. Cheers!
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Hello there!
Someone help me, please…
How come here 友達ともだちに優やさしく してあげましょう cannot be してくれましょう? Aren’t they the same in that regard? Like, I thought that 友達 is supposed to be a part of your inner circle, no? Where am I mistaken?
Someone please explain this to me…
Only other people can -てくれる. Because it’s generally other people who -てくれる, it’s not used in forms that express volition like the volitional form or the -たい form etc.
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Oh, I see… Thanks. I think I kind of understand now 
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Hey all, I was curious about this sentence:
あそこのおばあさんを手伝ってあげましょうか。
Shall we give assistance to (help) that lady?
Could using …あげますか work here as well?
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Hey, and long time no see 
ますか cannot be used for that, it is a question about doing the verb. However, ましょうか can be rephrased to ませんか, though the first one is closer to a suggestion to do something and ませんか is closer to an invitation.
あそこのおばあさんを手伝ってあげましょうか。(suggestion)
Shall we give assistance to (help) that lady?
あそこのおばあさんを手伝ってあげますか。(just a question)
Will you give assistance to that lady? (Do you have the intention to help her?)
あそこのおばあさんを手伝ってあげませんか？(invitation to do something)
Won’t (we/you) give assistance to that lady?
Notice that with ませんか the hearer has more “leeway” to refuse the invitation, compared to ましょうか。
I hope it helps,
Cheers
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Ah that makes sense. Thank you so much for the detailed explanation!
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So, I’m a bit confused about politeness.
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar says “S.o. gives some action as a favour to a person who is not a momber of the giver’s in-group but whose status is about equal to that of the giver.”
And “When the benefactor is in a higher position than the recipient or is of equal status and his relationship to the recipient is close, Vte yaru is used instead of Vte ageru.”
With examples for this being someone doing something for their little sister, cat, and a close friend.
Now Bunpro has as example sentences 母に花を買ってあげた。and 息子がオモチャを無くしたから、探してあげた。
I’d usually be happy to assume that maybe the books are just overly formal and correct, but my teacher also pointed out how （私の）家族に～てあげる is a bit ちょっと。。。
So, is my teacher also a bit overly formal, or is Bunpro just teaching slightly rude language? Or is there something else I’m missing about using あげる towards people in my in-group?
Also Bunpro’s explanation about “～てやる is the casual form of ～てあげる, and can be used without the need to worry about sounding patronizing.” seems to clash with DoBJG? Or maybe I’m reading it wrong? If ～てやる is used when the giver is in a higher position than the receiver, then doesn’t that mean I’m implying I’m in a higher position than the other person if I use it, making it more patronising?
Hey there! That’s an excellent question.
Generally speaking, あげる indicates that A did something for B from their own volition. A teacher once told me that one of the reasons it can sound very rude when used with people of ‘higher status’ is because you’re doing something close to demanding thanks or implying the other person can’t do it themselves. For example:
説明してあげる？
‘Should I explain it to you?’
This can sound in a formal context as I’m doing this for YOU.
In this case, it’s better to detach any direction and just state what you want to do to help. For example:
洗ってあげますか？ vs 洗います。
“Should I wash [it] for you?” vs “I’ll wash [it].”
And, coming back to this:
It’s going to be totally dependent on the family/context. Some families will find it rude to use this tone with your parents, some others won’t. So, like a lot of stuff in Japanese, it’s not a one-off thing.
Again, depends a lot on context. It HAS the risk of sounding patronizing, but most of the time, as long as it’s in a circle of people you feel are all the same ‘status level’, its probably fine. Textbooks love to be over formal to avoid awkward situations.
Hope this helps!
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So, to sum up, if I’m talking to someone of a higher position and want to be absolutely safe it’s best to drop the ～あげる／～やる completely?
How about when I’m talking to someone 外 about someone 内? Like, telling a neighbour how I helped my mother clean? Iirc that’s my teacher was talking about with “（私の）家族に～てあげる is a bit ちょっと。。。” (But it’s been a whiile xD)
母に掃除をしてあげました。
母に掃除をしてやりました。
母のために掃除をしました。母に掃除を手伝いました。(?)
Here I’m less concerned about being rude to my mother, and more concerned about being rude to my neighbour, right?
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Yeah! Like 敬語, the key is to put as much distance as you can between you and the ‘respectee’.
It’s all about who you’re addressing to! If in the conversation you’re addressing to your mom and you are on ‘casual’ terms with her, then you can use ～あげる (though ～やる feels a bit rude particularly towards your family, but a friend or similar is fine.)
So think about it as if you were saying: “Mr. Judge, I love Mom very much” vs “Jwudge-San, I love my Mother very much”. See (however ridiculous) how the tone changes? That’s basically what you would be doing.
Rude to your neighbor would be to drop the Polite tone, rude to your mom would be to refer to her in casual terms. In that logic, 母に掃除をしてやりました。would exemplify this, but, 母に掃除をしてあげました。is just stating that you cleaned for her sake.
Hope this helps!
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