時間がなかったが、かわいいゴリラに頼まれたから断るに断れなかった。このゴリラの名はジョンだった。離婚した夫、ジョンだった。彼は「もう一度結婚したい。」と言っている。僕もそうだ。子供たちのために、結婚したい。
There was no time but, since a cute gorilla asked me, I couldn’t refuse even if I wanted to. This gorilla’s name was John. My divorced husband John. He is saying that he wants to get married again. I also want this. I want to get married for the sake of my children.
7月17日、そこで今日は、 早朝またはそれ以降、あなたの家で 吸血鬼が学者を襲いました。
この家では、学者は昆布を食べていた。
さらに、熊が吸血鬼をも学者も等たべました。
彼は昆布を好きですよ! だけでなく。
他には, 他に何か?
何でも無い!
言い忘れました!
いま結婚したい。
誰とですか。
おそらくゴリラと一緒に!?
この泥棒だよ。
July 17th, so today, early in the morning or later, in your house, a vampire attacked a scholar.
In this house, the scholar was eating kelp.
Furthermore, a bear ate both the vampire and the scholar, and so on.
He loves kelp! But not only…
Anything else?
Nothing.
I forgot to say!
Now, he wants to get married
With whom?
Probably with the gorilla!?
This thief!?
息子は二歳で「きかんしゃトーマス」が大好きです。昨日の夜に、息子が見つけられるのように、夫が新しい「パーシー」のおもちゃをリビングに置きました。今朝、息子がそれをすぐに見つけました。息子はとても嬉しかったです。とてもかわかったです。
My son is two and loves “Thomas the Tank Engine”. Last night, my husband left out a new “Percy” in the living room for him to find. This morning, he found it right away. He was thrilled. It was so cute.
まず、氷河を買わなければいけません。白熊にとって、大きい生息地が大切なのです。 （今日はあまり時間がないので、明日またこのガイドを続けます。）
First, you must buy a glacier. To polar bears, a large habitat is important (explanatory tone). (I don't have a lot of time today, so I will continue the guide tomorrow.)
強いゴリラの夫なくしては生きていけません。特に、この国では。犯罪率は過去最高です。人口は縮小し、景気は過去最低です。子供たちのために、僕と夫は移民を考えています。でも、どの国にするか決められません。
If you don’t have a strong gorilla husband you can’t live. Especially in this country. The crime rate is at an all time high. The population is shrinking, and the economic climate is the worst its ever been. My husband and I are considering emigration for the sake of our children. But, we can’t decide which country.
気候変動どうですか。
別の惑星が欲しいですか。
0 voters
What about climate change?
Do you want another planet?
飛行機が空を飛びます
Airplanes fly in the sky
After watching the first three episodes of takopi’s original sin
このアニメを見てから、必要なのはセラ…ピ
After watching this anime, what’s needed is thera…py
uses:
Technically the sentence ending is wrong but this is supposed to be a pun mimicking the speech style of the character. I wonder if it would be understood as a shitpost or not
猫耳の女の子やエルフがいる惑星を一つお願いします
one planet with catgirls and elves please
I am still really new to japanese, but I tried to write a sentence using what i reviewed, please let me know if my grammar or choice of words is wrong 
昨日私は新しい車を買った
Yesterday I bought a new car
Grats on starting the journey!
there’s an を missing between 車 and 買った. see を (JLPT N5) | Bunpro
Additional fun fact: if the car is factory new, there’s a dedicated compound word you could use 新車 | Bunpro
Thank you for the correction, I did edit the post to include it for others who wants to translate it, the compound word is good yo know, but the intension was in the feeling of “used car but new to me” but factory new car is a good word to add to my vocabulary 
あの男は強いのなんのって、十トンのゴリラを持ち上げた。矢張り、あの男は僕の夫、ジョンだった。そのため、犯罪者は家族に近づくと、直ちに逃げだす。
That man is so strong! He was able to lift a 10 ton gorilla. Obviously, that man was my husband, John. Because of that, whenever a criminal gets close to my family, they immediately run away.
Hi all 
I just joined bunpro about two weeks ago, because i am on my japanese journey since 1 year and still was missing most of the grammar.
Just doing WaniKani and watching YouTube videos explaining stuff.
And here is my sentence put together ans still not sure if ので is correct here or から would be more fitting 
漫画を読みたいので毎日日本語を勉強しています
Because i want to read manga、i am studying japanese every day.
犯罪者党の説明を
聞きいてから,
参議院で
議員が
イベントを
夜中まででさ、
行なっています
ジョンの家族
に近づくと方法
について。
もちろん、
猫耳の女の子やエルフがいる惑星
について絶対にない!
After listening to the Criminal Party’s explanation, the members of the House of Councillors are holding an event that will continue until midnight, about how to approach John’s family.
Of course,
deefinitely not about a planet with cat-eared girls and elves!
えっと、どう言うかな。あの世でこの投稿を書く。ペットの白熊に殺されてしまったんだ。まあしょうがないな。最近、つまらなくなった。最悪だ。誰かを祟るのが面白そうだから、そうしようと思う。
Uhm, how do I put this? I'm writing this from the afterlife. My pet polar bear killed me (explanatory and regretful tone). Well, nothing you can do about it. Recently, things have become boring. It's the worst. Haunting someone looks interesting, so I think I'll do that.
I also have to think a bit when choosing between から and ので. I have heard that から is used more in emotional situations, and ので is more objective and matter-of-fact. I have also seen that ので is a more formal conjunction compared to から. Your sentence specifically gives me pause when trying to determine which is more natural because it expresses a personal desire, but it is also mostly just stating facts. I don’t think either would raise too many eyebrows when used in this situation, though. Maybe someone with more knowledge could help shine some more light on it. Either way, this article Frequently Asked Questions in Introductory Japanese has some pretty good insight on the topic.
面白くて残念ですね。白熊はレストランの店主だけだと思っていました。そんなこと、アニメで習いました。
That’s interesting and a shame. I thought polar bears were only restaurant owners. I learned that from anime.
人間は料理の特別な材料かもしれません。
Maybe humans are their special ingredient.
みなさは日本語を話せるか話せないかは、ジョンの協力能力如何にかかっている。でも、案じるな。僕の夫はものすごくいい人だ。一番大切な人だ。きっと、皆さんは日本語を話せるようになる。
Whether or not you all will be able to speak Japanese depends on John’s ability to cooperate. But, don’t worry. My husband is an most amazing person. He is the most kind person. You all will surely come to be able to speak Japanese.